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Roleplaying Forums- A Eulogy

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D F Angel

D F Angel

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There were few things that could unite a community, but the death of a forum was one of them.

Mod Mark H donned his vicarage robes as only a vehement LARPer could, preceding over the funeral of his child, the child that had grown rebellious in its teenage years and drove him away to greater pastures. But even through the hurt and the torment, the golden-crowned griever could not cut his emotional ties, and came to lay his descendant to rest.

Five vergers ran about the place in green hats, trying to keep order in the rowdy pews. Angriest of them was Na***r, determined not to allow anyone to have any enjoyment here, though the noisiest was certainly Innue, who was shadowed by a conga-line of men hovering around his bottom, hoping to lick off a spot of brilliance and be promoted to verger themselves. Foremost of these was Kruker, piggy-backed forwards by his boytoy Merky, though their number also included a quick-fused Delnaz and rainbow-coloured Minisatan who pranced around like a hen.

The final three vergers were Nauset, (flocked by all men for being a woman in power,) Treefrog (so old that he'd delusionally eaten his own hat,) and Demither, who would quantum-tunnel out of existence for weeks on end then turn up for five minutes to pretend he was still part of the gang.

The Ladz had harassed their way to the front, lead by an honour guard of their banned accounts: Rebel X2, Rebel X5, Laser Skunk, Rinceweed and Jack0777777. Gunslinger Z had left his respects on the church's stoop, whilst Laser Gunk had roped Taleisin under the arms to tell her that he was a charming maniac, the man's adoring fans BretIsEvil and *marrob fighting for an autograph. Triamilos turned this way and that, telling all who could hear that he was the oldest RPer here, as for Cassie: It was still her post.
Hags be hagglin', gods be god damn crazy, it's all happening ogre at Into The Fire

18-Jun-2015 00:56:46

D F Angel

D F Angel

Posts: 19,235Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Own Amnesty tried his best to blend in with the rabble, but had to abandon his post when CaptLasky entered, the Saint of Vodou Sketches, lead advocate for the abolishment of deep sea fishing. Amnesty needed to let the man know he was a ******.

Bridging the gaps between the maniacs and the RPD-crowd was D F Angel, who was characteristically neglecting his posting duties in order to write this one-off thread, binoculars pointing towards Lilti*h1, the funeral's pie server. Across from Angel was Inferi, who had cloned himself a hundred times over and was secretly every single person in this room in disguise, Annie, who shouted lets rp!, and Guthix, dressed as though heading to a local anime convention.
A seat had been saved for
George Rozas, but the man had suffocated under the weight of his harem.

Mod Mark H began his speech, but was immediately interrupted by the entrance of Blue Serval, who took over the funeral in order to let everyone know that her homework was stressful, and that she was also from Hawaii, in case you'd forgotten. Hive Queen A made a derisive comment at the woman, and a cat-fight nearly ensued, until the Hive Queen insisted on explaining the complexities of Combat Roleplaying before they began, and Blue Serval decided to off herself instead.

With Bree was Wakkace, who had a handful of dank memes to shurikan out when the time was right. Raymesgames was racing to join them, but was having trouble smuggling himself into the country in order to do so. Five seats were taken up by the bulging biceps of *heginsea, who was known throughout the lands as Big Man Joey P. He'd actually been invited by a girl to the movies, but luckily this funeral cropped up just in time for him to bail.
Hags be hagglin', gods be god damn crazy, it's all happening ogre at Into The Fire

18-Jun-2015 00:57:22

D F Angel

D F Angel

Posts: 19,235Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
An entire section was dedicated to the old roleplayers such as Pottles, Balthazar, Dieidiot, and many others besides, who had left so long ago that no one could remember their personalities whatsoever. Lightmage made a big show about leaving the funeral for greater pastures, but no one cared. Gecko42 turned out not to be a reptile, but still in his forties, whilst Soapalope swung from a rope.

The howlings of Na*bloodwolf and WolfPawofWC were challenged by the snarls of Iron Coyote, whilst in the rafters the primordial factions fought: Grimmagister, the last true bastion of threads with actual substance and merit, and Kairi, the founder of the Alpha Base, (Grimmagister was quickly banned for showing opposition). Under the earth, the Morlocks named Ouka and KarKing Jack remoulded themselves in new and horrific visages.

Quick5ilvr and Zhuum were tossed aside as Er Ril entered the room, ten-feet tall, wearing a shark and a T-rex as skates, facing down all adversaries and calling anyone out who stood up to him as power-players. Sir Duncan88 made clear his thoughts on the show-off, safe in the knowledge that in order to get to him, Er Ril would have to pass the entwined bodies of Silencian and Halloweenam, who in these final moments before the forum's collapse had decided to elope.

As Mod Mark H was pulled off-stage by the combined efforts of Lady Kay**, Hope and Jing, each as promiscuous as the last, he was momentarily replaced by Mod Seven, who gave a brief speech and then never appeared again. Mod Mat K quickly tore down a sign reading "New Forum Specific Rules," hoping no one would notice the inadequacy of the people running the forums.
Hags be hagglin', gods be god damn crazy, it's all happening ogre at Into The Fire

18-Jun-2015 00:58:08

D F Angel

D F Angel

Posts: 19,235Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
By this point, the church had nearly filled up completely. In came Mexican Cat the military man and Sullish the seagul, nineteen year old No Bull who profited off of twelve year old Topaz, Skulldie12 and Lollots99 and Lady Railly, Mortalsword the greatest poster of 2012, Dazsos as high as Temple Bird could fly, Mahf13/Adavantos with the completed manuscripts of Legend of Ascendia, Lord Ikra and Reaper Ben and Sword King and Telekinesis, YMTD who had been alive for the whole of five minutes, frog-headed SwampMonsta, etc.

With such an unsatisfactory performance from the Jagex Moderators at this service, (unsurprising, but disappointing none-the-less,) D F Angel ascended the stage to give a proper eulogy.

"Ten years ago I made my first post on these forums. I spent my early years being an outcasted noob, my later years outcasting noobs, and my final years disguised as a chick to trick people into joining my threads. The first thread I joined was The Six Kingdoms, the first thread I made was Dooms Day, and the only thread I've ever seen to two-thousand is The Final Quest. I've met a lot of reprehensible people over the years. The kind of people that would disgust you if you were ever to see them in real life; physically repulse you. And I've loved every one of them. There are people here that I've known for nearly half my life, people that I hope to soon meet in real life and solidify our friendship over a nice, warm cup of Joe*. There are people who I fundamentally disagree with on every single view point that they hold, (Bree, Cass,) but I can't thank them enough for tolerating me and helping mould me into the person that I am today. There are people here who have supported me and stood by my side despite the fact that I'm a horribly inconsistent thread owner, who are always there and never lose faith in me.
Hags be hagglin', gods be god damn crazy, it's all happening ogre at Into The Fire

18-Jun-2015 00:58:55

D F Angel

D F Angel

Posts: 19,235Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
So yeah, you're all a bunch of losers. Hell, I'm a loser too. But I would like to thank you all for sharing the loser experience with me, for being there when no one else was, and for giving me a reason to carry on with my dreams. I've gotta go, because I've given Wallace a goldmine to troll me with, but if there's one thing I want you all to take out of this whole ordeal, it is this:
Jet fuel can't melt steel beams."









*(it's your post on Hard Times)
Hags be hagglin', gods be god damn crazy, it's all happening ogre at Into The Fire

18-Jun-2015 00:59:12

NotFishing

NotFishing

Posts: 16,705Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
CaptLasky watched on in silent sadness, shedding a single manly tear, only to roll his eyes at the outbursts from both LadySheena and Annie.

"This is a funeral, dammit!" He yelled out, standing up and glaring daggers at the two. Then he drew a nerf pistol, aimed it at Annie, and fired. Unfortunately his aim was abominable and he instead fired it at DF Angel, who had been standing in a completely different direction.

The projectile fired from the nerf pistol looked like any nerf dart. However there was one key difference: within it he had stored a microscopic nuclear bomb with traces of the deadly ebola virus sprinkled on it.

And if the shot found its mark. the entire building would be reduced to rubble before you can yell "WHAT THE ****!?"
Beneath the gold, the Bitter Steel.

18-Jun-2015 03:54:42 - Last edited on 18-Jun-2015 03:57:39 by NotFishing

Lady Railly

Lady Railly

Posts: 3,140Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
LadyRailly felt honoured to be a part of the funeral, as she knew she had only been there properly for nine months as a naive but... confident thirteen-year-old, and then left all of a sudden, never to be heard of again. Apart from every so often when she would reveal her face for one post - and then disappear once more. She always wondered if anyone recognised her when she revisited, but always left soon after, as she could not bear to stay for more than a few days at a time. But now, as the burial had taken place, she realised that maybe she should have stayed for longer before the opportunity was missed.

18-Jun-2015 22:40:33

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