Forum Month - Voicemail comp

Quick find code: 49-50-817-65658532

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Mod Jon

Mod Jon

Jagex Moderator Forum Profile Posts by user

Those of you who know me a bit know that I am rather silly, and today's competition is a reflection of that.

What I'd like you to do is imagine for a moment
what a boss would leave as a voicemail on your character's answering machine.

I need you to name the boss who is calling you, and the message he leaves you :)

Here is mine, for example:

You have one (1) new voicemail, from Araxxor received today at 09:54 hours:

Hello adventurer, were you the one who was singing 'Itsy bitsy spider' outside of my lair last night? I'll have you know you woke up 87 spiderlings with your drunken song, and they were such a pain to get back to sleep again. Next time, please refrain from singing in the early hours of the morning or I'll be forced to call the Vyrewatch.

- 7 days membership
- 200 RuneCoins
- Bonus XP Lamp

*Terms and Conditions
*Keep your idea to one post only - posts that span more than one will be discounted.
*This competition will close at 10:00 Game Time on 30th July
Mod Jon - Livestream & Video Producer - @JagexJon
| Tea | Scape | Sleep | Repeat |

24-Jul-2015 15:14:31 - Last edited on 29-Jul-2015 11:11:24 by Mod Jon



Posts: 6,876Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
You have one (1) new voicemail, from Chaos Elemental received today at 19:34 hours:

!JDogg the foRce Was stRong, buT not stRoNg, FroM the ClouD. TherE waS someThing in my ClouD Pouch wheN I AwokE. iT waS a B00K froM youR locAl VarrocK LibrarY abouT How to "BalaNce the ChaoS in youR lifE". Did yoU Find thiS funnY, humaN? Next Time You Venture intO My WildenerNess, watcH youR BaCk, Walking, TalkIng sacK of ProteiN!Mwuahaha! Zaaap!

End of message. Press 1 to replay. Press 2 to save message. Press 3 to delete message.
Road to 5.4!

29-Jul-2015 11:33:28



Posts: 428Silver Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
You have two (2) new voicemails.First message from the Giant Mole at 07:45 hours.

"Ah, npr. I was saddened today when I heard you had gone to Varrock seeking a giant mole trap. Was this because of the garden incandescent? I truly am sorry for that, and I was sure to send the gardener over to fix your potato patch. It was an accident that my tunnels beneath south Falador collapsed that day. I hope we can get this misunderstanding under control before one of us does something a bit... too EXTREME that they CANNOT undo! Again, I am sorry npr, it won't happen again. Just leave the little ones out of this. I saw all those Clingy Moles you had!"
End of message.

Second message from Mom at 09:12 hours.
"npr?! This is your mother npr! Why don't you pick up the phone when I call you young lady? Do I need to come over th-." Oh hi mum!
national public radio
Nex and SS

"Give a man a mask and he will show his true face." - Oscar Wilde

29-Jul-2015 11:46:59

Red Flower36
Feb Member 2019

Red Flower36

Posts: 373Silver Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
You have one (1) new voicemail, from Commander Zilyana received today at 08:31 hours:

Sir, do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Saradomin? *Zilyana?!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING! I TOLD YOU NOT TO BOTHER THAT ADVENTURER, GUTHIX BLESSED HIM WITH POWERS THAT CAN DESTROY ME!!!* ....peeeeep.
Drunken adventures, Quick find code: 23-24-737-65695193

29-Jul-2015 11:47:08 - Last edited on 29-Jul-2015 12:13:13 by Red Flower36

Dec Gold Premier Club Member 2010


Posts: 2,941Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
The following was left on Eridyn's voicemail, after he had run to hide in the Ne*i forest after failing miserably to beat Beastmaster Durzag once again.

Durzag: "Durzag knows we been out of arena for forty-five minutes, yelling weak human's name. Durzag knows that weakling knows his own name; Durzag furious. Right after he crush weakling, Airut run into arena yelling 'Krar Junior in the woods! Krar Jnr in the woods!' And Durzag wonder how Krar Junior got into woods, when he in his cage? That when he realize, weakling stole him. Now weakling knows that Durzag beat him many times, and that weakling knows he is no match for great Durzag. Durzag is furious that weakling dare take Krar Jnr to hide in woods, preventing Durzag from crushing weaklings at new job that Durzag just got! Now Durzag be in woods, with stronger humans watching Durzag with tools that let other humans see Durzag look like fool, like unfit Beastmaster. Durzag says this: you best be dead weakling, because when you come out of woods, Durzag will kill weakling and take Krar Jnr back to cage where it belong."
| [
| "A flame can never be a star, no matter how bright it burns." -

29-Jul-2015 12:45:44 - Last edited on 29-Jul-2015 12:46:29 by Eridyn

Samora Kiba
Jan Member 2008

Samora Kiba

Posts: 7,755Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
You have (1) new voicemail, from the King Black Dragon at 01:30 hours.

Head 1:
Samo, can you please come visit us ASAP, we have a situation.
Head 2:
No we *hic'up* don't! You izz the izzue. I can do thiz!
Head 1:
Barney has eaten too many dwarves again and is drunk. Mind chopping his head off?
Head 2:
I'm not drunk! Chop yer own head *hic'up* off!
Head 3:
Stop breathing fire in my ear!
Head 2:
Oopz, in that light you kind of look like a dwarf, my bad *giggles*
Head 3:
Jim, hurry up with that dragon slayer, before he tries to juggle fireballs again. Last time it took us ages to find a new lair!
Head 2:
But you...*hic'up* said Jim was ordering a pizza!
Head 1:
Eh, of course we're ordering a pizza. We sincerely hope the pizza will arrive as soon as possible. Please come and bring us a pizza that will blow our minds. Especially minds that are in the middle between 2 other minds.
Head 2:
D'awww, that'z sweet Jim, you'z a real pal. Hey, zhall we ztart the karaoke now? Theez are the thingz, the thingz we set, the things we set on fire, fire, fireeeee!
Head 1:

End of message.

Community Helper

Member of the godless. It's not that I don't want to devote my soul to an RS god, the problem is that I can't find it.

29-Jul-2015 13:10:12 - Last edited on 29-Jul-2015 13:18:01 by Samora Kiba

Desert Ward
Jan Gold Premier Club Member 2019

Desert Ward

Posts: 1,149Mithril Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
You have (1) new voice message from Araxxor:

Dessssert Ssssspear, ssssstoppp coming into my houssssseeee and killing my children. It isssss quiet annoying that you decisssssed to break into my home, burn my websssss, and kill my children. My wife Araxxi has worked very hard to decorate this place and you have jusssst ruined it. I know you want our legsssss for all the gpsss but pleasssse ssssstop being so rude....jussstt assssk. Thankssssss.

End of Message. To save press 1. To delete press 2. To Listen again press star.
Desert Spear
War, War never changes.

29-Jul-2015 13:26:55

Apr Gold Premier Club Member 2007


Posts: 95,738Emerald Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
You have one (1) new voicemail, from Elite Edimmu received today at 23:59 hours:

I've tried to get in touch with you as of late but have been unable to as I've received word from my Edimmu soliders that you've been busy trying to suck the life out of Yakamaru for us, thank for you that and I do hope you succeed. However that is not why I attempted to contact you.

I've seen that you've recently been praying to the Ninja gods about saving our most precious treasure that manages to lure enough foolish slayers to our lair: the blood shards. We appreciate this fact that you've set out to protect the shards but little did we know your true intention for doing so (after some digging) has come to my attention that you've butchered thousands upon thousands of my soldiers, stealing hundreds of shards from their corpses to sell illegally (it's against Edimmu law to sell their goods to humans) for HUMANS to use. This means that you are now in debt of over 150+ shards and unfortunately, money cannot repay this debt.

We therefore concluded amongst ourselves that you must PAY for this theft with your life. We will suck it right out of you, then use our remaining shards to heal some of it back up, before doing it again 150 times to make up for what you've stolen from us unknowingly.

We are awaiting your arrival at Meilyr cave. Be there. Failure to show up will have disastrous consequences for you.

*Message ends*

29-Jul-2015 13:53:42

Jan Gold Premier Club Member 2018


Posts: 65Iron Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
You have one (1) new voicemail, from King Roald received today at 09:54 hours:
Hey son! I called but you didn't answer, I wanted to record a message for you. I wanted to say that your step mom and I would appreciate if you stop flirting with so many of your so called, "Princesses"...
It's a pain for us to handle all the girls that visit the Varrock Palace while you're away on adventures. Please call back ASAP you're mom, Ellamaria looks angry.

*P.S I'm jealous of your youth to be honest, I never had so many
Princesses to choose from.*

Prince Of Varrock

29-Jul-2015 14:32:13

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