|::Diary Of A Noob::| <>FULL<>

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Author's note from September 5th, 2018:

Wow. After all these years I'm surprised to still find this here. It is now a little over 12 years since I started writing this story. I was 14. Now I'm 27, married, and a much more competent writer. Looking back at it, it's horribly written, but I guess that was part of the charm. It was the first thing I ever wrote, so I'm still proud of it. It's a relic from a different time, but if you choose to read it now I hope you enjoy it, flaws and all.


Hello newcomers and longtime fans alike!

Are you looking for a different type of noob story? Are you telling yourself that you want to read an actual story but at the same time one makes you laugh in a way you think most stories don't? May we humbly suggest our story for your viewing pleasure. Diary of a Noob was started in August 2006 when my brother (Flame Bird) and myself (MazzyzaaM) needed something to do on a long cross-country trip car ride.

So I had this idea that we should make a story 1 day at a time, and switch back and forth between eachother to see how crazy we can get to the story to be. When we reached around day 25, we saw the potential in this story. We truely hope you enjoy it. It has been a long time coming.


Editor: Jayaster

Current day we're on: 100

Hope you guys enjoy the full story!

the first season (days 1-40) is called:


the second season (days 41-65) is called:

|||#The Mage, the Archer, and the Rouge#|||

The third season (days 66-90) is called:

|||##Battle for ScapeRune##|||

And finally, the fourth season (days 91-100) is called:

|||#Creators of Destiny#|||

21-Jan-2008 00:02:19 - Last edited on 05-Sep-2018 15:51:30 by FriendshipUI



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~Table of contents~
Post 1: Introduction
Post 2: Table of contents + Reader comments
Post 3: Fans list
Post 4: Fans list continued
Post 5-64: Season 1
Post 65-100: Season 2
Post 101-187: Season 3
Post 188-292: Season 4

here are what some people are saying about diary of a noob!
27-Jun-2010 17:19:25
I loved it. This is basically my favorite book in the world. I actually cried at that one part at day *SPOILER* that has to do with Amy. I will read this over and over again. I have only re-read 1 other series in my life before. That shows how much I love this book.
10-May-2009 23:29:07
Truely amazing. If you ever meander into the filming business, make this a movie. It would be epic.

09-Oct-2010 04:04:38
Wow, took me several hours to read, switching screens from rs to the story, but i really liked it. 10/10 on content 9001/10 for effort and time <33
01-Jan-2008 10:33:17
this had me crying tears!
24-Dec-2007 06:22:14
Lumight< a wonderfull job, this is one of the few stories on the forums that i have read all the way through lol. It was a perfect combination of comedy, action, and more comedy.
King Vic 2
09-Dec-2007 00:49:58
I've said this before, and I'll say it again. This could be a short animation film! It's sure better than half the movies I've seen at the Oscars!
Cleric Ninja
10-Feb-2008 09:52:04
WOW i love this ive been reading it for ages and im hooked.
Sand of Thym
21-Feb-2011 20:18:57
A bump from a long admirer. I remember this being the first story that I read on the RS Forums, and will forever remember it being one of the best.

15-Apr-2010 20:21:14
I just love the story.
It's by far the best I've read on the forums. The combination of the silly first two seasons with the more serious third and fourth seasns is really sweet.

21-Jan-2008 00:02:24 - Last edited on 22-Feb-2011 07:19:19 by FriendshipUI



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~!~ fan's list ~!~
I like to take this oppritunity to thank all our fans that really kept me going. I'm sorry that I left for a while, But now I'm back and better then ever! It's the encouragement from my readers that are the only thing keeping me going! really!
You read my story, and don't see your name up here? Tell me!!!
~da(c)ma 411
~wibble 22
~Ace1 Wizard
~Pur3 Wo1f
~Mr Slayer Iu
~Kel Thuzad80
~Ball Bag 911
~I Am Jose Q
~Darth Liam5
~Mr Hibbert 1
~King Vic 2
~Blue X95 $$$$$$
~I O U Cash
~Finland I
~Lil Toy Tank
*King Vic 2
~Cleric Ninja
~Hi Hello 667
~Dark Fiend84
~Road Roster
~A R R8
~450 Sk8
~Roland 13x
~Sand of Thym
~Jaltari Nol
~Peas Pleas
~Life Iz Just
~Wat Once Was

21-Jan-2008 00:02:25 - Last edited on 15-Jan-2011 03:05:33 by FriendshipUI



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DAY ONE -getting started-
Wo0t! Finally off that pointless island! Saying I can't take care of myself? Who do they think they are!? Oh suuuure, they did teach me about mining.... and a trick or two about combat.......and how to make some money..... and......oh all right they taught me everything
I know about the game! There!
Happy? Sheeesh!
When I first stepped off the island, I didn't know where to start! So many directional choices! I decided to ask a strong looking fellow for direction. His name was "lvl 95". HA! What a funny name! And I thought my name was bad!
"Hello fine chap," I said merrily, "I am looking for the directional route to which nourishment and permeation flourish freely. Can you point me in the right direction?" He stared at me for a while, holding that big club that had blood all over it.. Huh, I wonder whose blood that is...hey wait a second, why am I back where I started!? I looked around and I was back in the same courtyard I started the game in!
Oh I know, that kind fellow over there must be a very strong wizard, and he was nice enough to return me here! Aw how sweet! Did*ít help me much though, but I decided to thank him anyway. "Thank you for the free passage to the beginning of the game!" I shouted. "It was most helpful!" he just grunted, called me a noob, and ran off.
HA! Iím getting feared by already.
I found a hotel nearby in the castle, so I decided it was time to hit the hay. I couldn't resist, the beds looked so comfy, and felt like clouds! I just jumped right in and was out like a candle! Man that was the best sleep I have ever had! 3 hours into my sleep I was caught by the King of Lumbridge and sentenced to death. Hey, it's not my fault he woke up and found me in his bed.

21-Jan-2008 00:02:26 - Last edited on 18-Jun-2008 17:40:21 by FriendshipUI



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DAY TWO -the blue moon inn-
Today I was sentenced to death, by being pierced with arrows by the royal archers. I'm not sure how, but I managed to disappear at the last second and appear in lumbridge. HAHA! I was to fast for them! Rather then stay in lumbridge, I decided to travel little northeast, to the royal cow pen. I said very loudly "greeting citizens of this.....err....cow field. Please do not be alarmed by my presence, I come, this time at least, in peace. Furthermore-" I didn't have time to say anything else, before a sword was trusted into my hand. I was dumbstruck. "What am I suppose to do with it!?"
"Fight with it!!! Someone yelled as he pulled out his sword from a dying cow's skull. I raised my sword, and brought it down with such ferocity that the cow got a paper cut! "Woo hoo!!!" I yelled as I leaped with joy.
"Hey guys, did you see how I beat up that cow!? Yep, im a real he-" thatís the last thing I heard before the cow barreled into me, and I woke up in...Where else?....... lumbridge.
"Hmm....there seems to be some pattern going on here that im missing.." I pondered to myself.
"Oh well, probably nothing". Now im finding myself traveling north, and not stopping. I've been traveling for hours, passing few people.
I eventually came to a guarded town called "VAROOK", and a grand city it was! I passed a sword shop, and decided to see what they had in stock. I bought an iron long sword with the 25 gp I found in my bank (lol, dumb banker left a whole 25 gp in my bank!). I stumbled into a bar called "The Blue Moon Inn"... A fine establishment! All it took was 6 words: "hey barkeep, give me A beer". And the rest was history.

21-Jan-2008 00:02:27 - Last edited on 21-Jan-2008 00:19:28 by FriendshipUI



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DAY THREE -hangover- head! What happened last night? Where am I? Why am I wearing bunny ears and a pink skirt? Why is
there a man sleeping right next to....... Oh god, I don't even want to know.
The man awoke. "What happened last night!!!" I screamed.
"Calm down," said the man, "We were just doing the play 'Romeo and Juliet' and cuz we didn't have a girl, you volunteered. We didn't get even past the 1st scene before everyone pasted out"
"Oh." I said. "Well, how do you explain the fake bunny ears?"
"Oh those aren't fake" he said with a grin. I ripped those bunny ears off so fast most of my hair came with it. Youch!!! Man my head hurts, I know what I need! A nice cold beer!
"Hey barkeep, another round on me!" and well, you can guess what happens after that.

DAY FOUR -rat poison-
today i decided to see more of the town, and make a little more money (rich as I am already, with a staggering 12 gp). Showing off my iron longsword as I walked, feeling so powerful. look at those wimps with their light blue armor! my iron sword can beat their buts like theres no tomorrow! But I can show self control. I'll get them in due time,
in due time...
Anyway, so I go to this potion guy, and Oh my god is he stupid! I said to him "get me a strength potion to match my greatness u worthless idiot!" ha! I showed him!
Then I said, "or I'll get the king to fire you! Because ur more worthless then...hmm...well...YOU!!"
He finally gives me this potion called poison, sounds powerful! I drunk the whole thing! Worst hangover I ever had!!! when I woke up I was in, you gues it, Lumbridge. Ok, this is starting to make me mad! Everytime something cool happens, I pass out! What a bunch of cow poo! So, I guess since I dont want to walk all the way back to the town, I decided to see *dramatic music* the chicken pen.

21-Jan-2008 00:02:27 - Last edited on 18-Jun-2008 17:39:54 by FriendshipUI



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DAY FIVE -meeting a friend-
OMG you shoulda saw it! How I totally owned those chickens! Swatting them left and right! They didn't stand a chance!!! But then I decided to get out of the dead chicken pile
and go to the live ones! They were just as easy! No real struggle! A few scrapes and bruises, and a few lawsuits, nothing a good sword fight to the death can't handle! I got all the way to
lvl 7 fighting chickens and their attorneys! Lots of fun!!! Ya, then the rooster showed up and things took a turn for the worst. So much clucking....clawing....punching....burning...boiling..
Melting....hmm that reminds me. IM HUNGRY! Anyway, I barely made it out of the pen with my life! Oh wait, not I didn't. *collapse to the ground*
oooohh......oooooooooohhhh......OOOOOOOOHHHHHHH! Im in so much pain! Where....where am I? "Oh, your awake" I hear a voice say. "Who said that?!" I yell. "Calm down"
he said. "My name is 'yoshi11223', but you can call me Yoshi!" "Er..Hi" I said. "My name is....hmm...I guess I never did give a name to myself...might as well think of one right now!"
I pondered this for a while, and Yoshi was very patient. Or maybe he's just was past out from the 10 kegs I dared him to chug. Oh well, I should think of a name by the time he comes to...
hmmmm.....I got it! 'noob112233' but you can call me noob! Then I noticed he was still passed out. I splashed some cold water on him to wake him up. Well, I guess it wasn't such a good
idea to throw water on an "instant quicksand, just add water" spot. Yoshi began to sink, still passed out. "Hold on, Iíll save you!" I yelled. I grab a conveniently placed vine and swing!

21-Jan-2008 00:02:28 - Last edited on 09-Dec-2010 09:23:10 by FriendshipUI



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*Indiana Jones theme music starts playing*. I grab his arm and he gets yanked out of the quicksand, and put him down. "Haha!" I said aloud. "I saved you! Eh? What is this?" I look closer
and it's a dummy! Not the real one!!! Which means Yo*hi is still in there! "Fakes.....why does it have to be fakes!!! Well, yo*hi's dead might as well make myself at home.

I am asleep later when I hear Yoshi barge threw the door. "What the heck happened!?" he yelled "why was I in lumbridge!?" "Lumbridge? How did you get there? Last time I saw
you, you were sinking in quicksand." "Eh, good enough for Me." he said.

21-Jan-2008 00:02:28 - Last edited on 09-Dec-2010 09:23:34 by FriendshipUI



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DAY SIX -taking a job-
So, that Yoshi character is weird, so I let him hang with me. We decided if we wanted to rule runescape, we needed more money! So we both got jobs! First we tried to work at a blacksmith! Man that was fun! Making all types of weapons and torture devises, hmm, I feel at peace. But, unfortunately, we had to quit, be cause the boss found Yoshi drinking molten iron, and he fired me because of "inexperience", COME ON!
I only lost six fingers, two toes, and a lung! But, after a quick trip to the hospital, they re-attached my limbs! They must have used magic! I will master this technique and use its powers to rule runescape! But, our next jobs were tour guides, erm.....rather not talk about this one...umm..we had an accident....we took a party of people into what is
called the "wilderness" and umm.......fill in the blanks yourselves.........Ok, then we took up jobs at the blue moon in, we lasted ten seconds before they threw our drunken buts out the door. But, 3 jobs, each one days pay...I have.........100gp!!!! Fear me!!!! For now I have iron kite shield!!
Yo*hi got something called a phat off this guy. Omg whatís he gonna do with that! You just wasted
a perfectly good one-hundred gp!!! I threw it into the trash, and burned it, accidentally catching Yoshi and me on fire. We died very.....very slowly..

21-Jan-2008 00:02:37 - Last edited on 08-Oct-2010 17:36:37 by FriendshipUI

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