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Thie Ghost and the Girl

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Hurricaneria
Mar Member 2018

Hurricaneria

Posts: 2,587Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Hello people! My name is Hurricaneria and this is my first attempt to do a romance story. This story does NOT have to do with Runescape so don't expect a...well...a sword (lol), but it is a bit creepy since it has some paranormal activity scenes in it. This story is based on real events, but there were no ghosts or people dying lol.

See also by me:

Stories:
The Life of Hurricaneria: 49-50-962-56118329
Gates of Imagination: 49-50-762-61160396

Forum Games:
Funniest reasons to call 911: 55-56-641-57518253

Fan Clubs:
Kingdom Hearts: 23-24-144-57327303


Hurricaneria hates the Rich
(`._)MmbrWrrՃRcp(`._)
(`._)Xr, H Gh GGr(`._)
-...-GrMᧆr H KУ Mᧆr-...-

01-Jun-2008 23:43:26 - Last edited on 25-Jul-2010 21:10:48 by Hurricaneria

Hurricaneria
Mar Member 2018

Hurricaneria

Posts: 2,587Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
It was a Tuesday morning, and Alan couldn't wait to meet his love. He waited for the call, but no one called. The bus arrived, and as he stepped in, he was greeted by many of his class mates. He went to a good public school, nice kids, but there was always the trouble makers. Once, Alan went to buy some milk and a few kids walked up to him and threatened to jump him until he gave them his money. Alan refused and was chased by them, until the police took them away and sent them to a private school. This shivered him every time he rememebered, but he didn't let it get to him now.
The bus stopped at the school, and Alan stepped off the bus and walked up to a pretty girl who had long burnette hair with bits of blonde highlights. She was wearing dark jeans with a large army green tank top and a pink purse. She stuck out her hand to Alan's face and kissed his cheek.
"Hey baby," she said.
"Hey Jessica," Alan said. He was very nervous about this, but he knew, so was she; he could tell that the fact she kept swaying from him when they walked by eachother in the hallway, but when they were alone and no one was watching (except for having some trusted friends with them) they would give all the love they held to each other.
"So, what are we doing this weekend?" she asked.
"I'm goin' over a friends house, wanna come?"
"Sure, who?"
"Stacey's,"
"Okay then I KNOW I'm going," she replied. His best friend, Stacy, knew him for five years, and when she befriended Jessica, he took a quick look at Jessica and knew to make his move. He told Stacy about it and she told Jessica when she really have shouldn't. After that, Stacy called Alan and told him she spilt the beans and wanted him to say yes in going out with Jessica since she couldn't wait. He accepted and they decided to hang at the roller skating rink as a first date (double date really, Stacy brought her boyfriend). Ever since then, things were going up hill and here he is, planning for the weekend to be with her.

02-Jun-2008 00:43:43 - Last edited on 02-Jun-2008 00:44:57 by Hurricaneria

Zfire0100

Zfire0100

Posts: 5,837Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Wow... umm.. Ok... where to start first? *Flips through a random book he pulled from absoluetly nowhere*
Ah! Here it is!
Ok 1st of izzal! The way you're writing is known as Brick! (Brickage, bricka*rack, take your pick :P) Aaaaannnyhoodle, Brick is when you have all your setences all squashed up like what you have now. *Hisses* This is physically (And emotionally) painful and causes eye-strain! (Bad eye-strain!) The best way to defeat the evil known as Brick is to call forth the almighty Enter button! *Holy chorus*
Give it a good two whacks every 3-5 setences and watch as the Brick melts away like throwing holywater (Bleach) on that kid at skool you don't like. (You know who i'm talkin about)
ALSO! Another way to pwn Brick is to seperate character dialogue into paragraphs of its own. I noticed you've done a bit of that but lemme give ya a little shove in the right direction with one of Zephyros' famous examples!! *Crickets*
Ex: Bob was walking down the street one day when he noticed his friend, Jim across from him. "Hey, Jim." Bob calls out, waving to his friend.
"What's up, Bob?" Jim replies, waving back and hiding the fact that he hates Bob's guts.
Not the best example i'm sure, but it's a start. Ok so far that's it because... well I just refuse to try and read through brick...
Tell ya what! You break everything in2 paragraphs and i'll come back and read what ya got. Then I get to trash you on your detail ^_^
(o(v<X>v)o) Wielder Of The Soul Eater: Anirbas & /\/ble~Ӄ~The~ew~ge~\/\/riters (o(v<X>v)o)
(/)||| The Thirteen Personalities Of A Word Smith in the Ye Old Story Guild |||(\)

02-Jun-2008 00:54:28

Hurricaneria
Mar Member 2018

Hurricaneria

Posts: 2,587Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Alan's ear was thumping from the yells over the fone.
"Your going to go into the pool with us if its cold or not boy!" Jessica said.
"If it's cold, I'm not goin' in."
"PLEEAASSEE?!"
"Okay fine."
"Yay!" she said. She was quite immature for her age.
"So, I'll see you tomorrow, love ya!"
"Love ya too, bye sweetie!" she hung up.
Alan packed his clothes for tomorrow and went to bed.
"Okay honey, have a good time!" Alan's mother told him.
"Thanks mom." He said as he walked out the car.
"Hey Sweetie!"
"Hey Baby!" he replied.
"Come on, were going in the pool."
"Oh fine, I know it's goin to be cold."
He was right, Jessica pushed him in and he was the first to shiver in the cold icy pool in a cold day of May.
"Cannonball!" Jessica yelled.
"Holy!" he was going to dive in to dodge it, but decided to hold out his arms quickly before she noticed. As she jumped in, he caught her in his arms.
"Hey!" Jessica complained.
He kissed her in the lip.
"Ooo lala." she said.
It was a half-an-hour until they decided to stop the cold form "killing" them. They decided to have a small picknick and packed some food for it. Stacy was babbling about that her boyfriends didn't call her back as Alan and Jessica laughed at her disappointment. As they settled into the blanket and unpacked their food, Jessica and Alan began to stand up and slow dance to a song playing on an iPod speaker.
"I love you," she said.
"I love you too," he replied.
It was about seven-o-clock after the flirting was over, and they decided to lay low and play some games back at Stacy's place.
"My mom's here, bye Stacy, Love ya Jessie"
"Bye baby,"
"See ya on Monday Alan!" Stacy said.
As Alan stepped outside, Jessica Ran up to him and kissed him whiched seemed like endless.
"I'll see you on Monday too," Jessica said.
"Thank you," he replied.
At least my mother didn't see it, he thought.
"So, how was your evening?" his mother said.
"Fine, the pool was COLD!" he said.
"I can imagine," she said.

02-Jun-2008 01:10:52 - Last edited on 02-Jun-2008 02:24:04 by Hurricaneria

Hurricaneria
Mar Member 2018

Hurricaneria

Posts: 2,587Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
yyyeeaa...thanks...i think i told you this is my FIRST attempt on romance...

Hurricaneria, hates the Rich
(`._)MmbrWrrՃRcp(`._)
EDIT: by the way, next post down...I don't get it...

02-Jun-2008 01:13:10 - Last edited on 30-Jun-2008 20:28:15 by Hurricaneria

Zfire0100

Zfire0100

Posts: 5,837Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Hey no problem. We all have to start somewhere.
Atleast you don't write with numbers like a certain person I remember. *Crawls into a corner and starts drawing circles on the floor*
(o(v<X>v)o) Wielder Of The Soul Eater: Anirbas & /\/ble~Ӄ~The~ew~ge~\/\/riters (o(v<X>v)o)
(/)||| The Thirteen Personalities Of A Word Smith in the Ye Old Story Guild |||(\)

02-Jun-2008 01:18:50

Hurricaneria
Mar Member 2018

Hurricaneria

Posts: 2,587Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
The very next day, Alan got a call from Jessica.
"Alan?" she said.
"What's up kitty?" he replied.
"Yea umm...I want to break up, I'm...I'm just not ready for dating yet...I got nervous last night."
"...I don't understand..."
"It's hard, I know...I just need some time..."
"Oh...okay...but-"
She hung up.
He started to feel rejected, and decided to take a walk around the neighborhood. He found some change and decided to buy a soda.
As he walked to the store, he heard a loud beep in the distance...what could it be, he thought.
He turuned around and found a pickup truck speeding towards him. He wanted to run, but he triped, but he had time. He got up and he noticed the truck going even faster...eventually...it hit him...hard on the hip.
He couldn't breath, he couldn't move, he couldn't see, but he heard a siren coming to him in aid. He was placed on a hard bumpy board and was taken inside a vehicle.
He could hear the beeps of the heart rate counter, going faster and slower each minute; everytime it went faster, he had a chest pain, but everytime it slowed down, he began to fall asleep. He tried to balance them out, but some restraints kept him from moving to stay on the board. He heard no beeps from the machine and felt a painful shock in his chest, then he felt his heart beat again. The vehicle stopped, and he was rushed inside a well lighted room with much talking around him. He thought he heard an "Okay" and he tried to speak, but only a murmer came out of his mouth. He felt a tube go into his mouth and he could breath again. He heard yells of command and agitation around him. Then he felt another painful shock in his chest; Alan yelled without a murmer, "Stop that!"
"Your heart is giving out, please be patient!" said a nurse.
"How can I..." he couldn't talk again, he felt pain in his throat, then he coughed out a salty, yet sweet lumpy liquid from his mouth.
"He's caughing blood! PUT HIM IN THE...The...the..." was the last thing Alan heard in echo.

02-Jun-2008 01:34:18 - Last edited on 02-Jun-2008 01:36:24 by Hurricaneria

Hurricaneria
Mar Member 2018

Hurricaneria

Posts: 2,587Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Jessica was pacing the floor, then she lied on the couch and began to sob. Why did I break up with him, she thought, I'm just not ready, what am I goin to do, she thought.
Her cell fone rang, and she calmed herself down and answered it.
"Hello?"
"It's Stacy, you wont believe what just happened to Alan."
"Oh my God, did he start drinking?!"
"No MUCH worse, he's dead, a truck ran him over."
Jessica was silent, she hung up the fone and began to sob for what seemed years of agony and sorrow.
Her mom walked in, "What's wrong? Your still sad about breaking up?"
"Yes, and he got ran over, mom...HE"S DEAD!"
Her mom grew silent, then she wlkaed up and hugged her.
"It's okay dear, you tried."
"No I didn't, I broke up with him and then he gets ran over! He's going to have a sad soul!"
She got a text message from Stacy, it said that Alan's parents planned to move, and that they don't want to be seen again in their sorrow.
"I know how they feel mom, I still want to talk to them."
"It's too late dear, let them move away."
A day later, it was Monday, and she didn't groom herself. Everyone gathered to comfort her, but she kept on rejecting. She began to cry during homeroom and she was sent home.
"Jessie, how about we go out to a nice place for dinner tonight, just us girls." her mom said.
"Fine..." Jessica replied.
Their evening meal took place in a fancy restaurant near the mall; after that, they went shopping for some clothes and got a new toy for her pet cat.
"Hey, you're Jessica right?"
"...Yes?"
"I'm a reporter for the Courier Daily, there has been some paranormal activity at your ex-boyfriends old home, would you like to see?"
"My boyfriend is dead, he..."
She began to understand.
"Okay, I'll come."
"Exelent, see me tomorrow at seven in the evening."
"Will do."
As she went home with her mother, they began to talk about some creepy things in the unknown. When they got to ghosts, Jessica shook. Am I going to be haunted by Alans ghost, she thought.

02-Jun-2008 01:55:57 - Last edited on 13-Jun-2008 21:04:07 by Hurricaneria

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