I'd turn into a chipmunk and eat all the turnips in the entire world.
What would you do if a smooth-talking salesman got you drunk and made you do something unspeakable:
He sold you an outrageously overpriced fsljdf.
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I would become a monk and pretend to believe in God, eventually moving up the ranks with my fake fanaticism before becoming the Pope. I would then declare a holy war against the salesman, in order to get my money back.
What would you do if there was a lottery where you had a 90% chance of winning £100 million, but a 10% chance of dying slowly and horribly.