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Invader's Guide to Gielinor!

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Roar Trout

Roar Trout

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Welcome to The Invader's Guide to Gielinor!



Gielinor is a many wondered place with a bounty of stops along the way. That is if you survive the hospitality of the locals. Between the dodgy kebabs and an overabundance of cakes, its diner beware!



Every invading army should bring master cooks, fishermen and miners and make The Living Rock Caverns their first stop. These caves over flow with high healing fish, with more coal and gold than 50 armies could use in a lifetime. A very valuable possession of any would be conqueror!



Next we arrive in Draynor, there is not much here, but a little to the south is the Wizard's tower, a tough nut to crack to be sure, but its access to The Runespan and unlimited runes for magic (and primal energy) would make it the crown jewel of any conquest. You just have to get past a tower crammed with loons in pointy hats!



Now we arrive in Lumbridge, an unassuming place with little to offer at first glance. But this is the breadbasket of Misthalin, with more low level edibles than you can shake a stick at. Ah but if you like swamp tar there is plenty in the swamps that is unguarded as is some low level mining sites. Though there is a goblin infestation in the caves underground. Still nothing a little...make that a lot for fire wouldn't solve!



Varrock, capital of Misthalin! It has....trees? A lumber mill and a lot of bored guards begging to be killed and robbed. Still if it wasn't for the Grand Exchange the only thing this place would have to offer is a Garden obsessed Queen and a King who seemingly does nothing while taking credit for other's work. Might be worth a miss. Who am I kidding? Kill all the Guards, it'll be fun!



Barbarian village and Edgeville, infested with bugs and beasties in every hole in the ground and not enough smouldering buildings, enough said!
Roar Trout, noisiest fish on Gielinor!

29-Sep-2016 21:08:58 - Last edited on 30-Sep-2016 06:26:55 by Roar Trout

Roar Trout

Roar Trout

Posts: 44Bronze Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
No rampage would be complete without at least visiting Falador. The supposed capital of the festering unrest called Asgarnia. This place is like the angsty teenager which thinks bad behaviour is the norm. They will pick fights, but are far too busy with their own self entitlement. They will end up in the middle of everything and think it's all about them. The only thing this place has to offer on the surface is a lot of smug knights in white tin cans. Below these hallowed grounds is the Dwarves and a large working mine. It would be nothing special but the dwarves do love their beer, so maybe it's not a total loss? But no tour of Falador would be complete without at least keeping up the tradition of Guards only lasting 60 seconds!....Why do they carry so many grapes? O_o



To the East of Lumbridge you will find... wait for it... Sand! Lots and lots of sand! Al Kharid has all the redeeming qualities of an overloaded spin dryer bouncing around the floor. There is a small mine or two but if sand, heat and mummies is what you are looking for then the Kharidian desert is the place for you!



A bit East of Varrock you will find the majestic swamps of Morytania, which first eat your food, then you! But never fear, it seems dying is just an inconvenience in Morytania and being dead is no excuse for your slaves to miss work!



Burthorpe and Taverly, more Asgarnian trouble makers. Though the people are very helpful to first timers to Gielinor. This place is probably more trouble than it is worth with trolls constantly beating at their walls. With a Prince that no one sees and Druids doing the love and peace thing to the south, it's no wonder the trolls are the only other people who want it!



North of Burthorpe is just lots of rocks, trolls, caves and more rocks. It doesn't even have a decent beer to offer. If you don't fit it into your tour, you've missed nothing. Unless you have a troll killing fetish, then I'd give this place 5 chainsaws for ambience!
Roar Trout, noisiest fish on Gielinor!

29-Sep-2016 21:09:20 - Last edited on 05-Jan-2017 21:08:19 by Roar Trout

Roar Trout

Roar Trout

Posts: 44Bronze Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Sleepy Catherby...it has fish.....it has LOTS of fish! If you like fish (which I do :D) then this place could be for you. A nice stopping point for sun, sea and surf, during your conquest. And a nearby Dwarf tunnel has a pub with beer, bliss.



Seers Village. Nothing here...or is there? Rumour has it that Seers Courthouse basement has Gielinor's only working toilet! So relax in style in your new outhouse conquest, and give those unsearchable bushes a well deserved rest!



Next stop is Ardougne and the Kingdom of Kandarin. Kandarin is one of those places that seems destined to find new and inventive ways to grind each other to dust. Or at least play epically sized pranks on each other, If it isn't fake plagues then it's fake monsters. Or battles where no one seems to know how to fight, that drag on for years with no casualties. Some have theorized that it's a form of senility from drinking the local water, so don't forget to bring your own beer and pretzels!



Elf City, a very tough nut to crack indeed. But why invade when you can walk in and just rob the elves blind? A nice place with plenty of mining and smithing resource, as well as an overabundance of gold loaded elves just begging to be relieved of their worldly goods!



The Last stop in the guide is Oo'glog. after a hard won conquest, sit and relax in Gielinor's most exclusive (and only) spa!



Sit, relax and Enjoy. Knowing that if you get bored, the Eastern lands await! ^_^
Roar Trout, noisiest fish on Gielinor!

29-Sep-2016 21:09:38 - Last edited on 05-Jan-2017 21:15:26 by Roar Trout

Roar Trout

Roar Trout

Posts: 44Bronze Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Some where you think deserves an entry?

Is there something worth an Invader kicking in someone's door?

Then post your own Entry. So read on would be Invader as more entries are sure to appear!
Roar Trout, noisiest fish on Gielinor!

29-Sep-2016 21:09:50 - Last edited on 30-Sep-2016 06:33:26 by Roar Trout

Nature Rosa
Nov Gold Premier Club Member 2010

Nature Rosa

Posts: 118Iron Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
We not invading for fremmy lands?
Also, state sponsored God?
How oppressed will the new land be?
Will more pie recipes be added?
Roses are pink
Violets are violet
The WG is a dangerous sociopath with a long history of violence.

29-Sep-2016 21:21:53

Roar Trout

Roar Trout

Posts: 44Bronze Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
The Freme...nic? Nick? Nic?.....That place with the hard to spell name! These people are hostile to outlanders of all descriptions, and probably don't like people who can't spell the place's name! Fortunatly due to mandatory hourly keg of beer drinking contests, where the next hour seems to come every few minuets, after a short while no one will notice or care! Official advice is to carry hangover cures at all times while in the Fremmy Province. Advice Saradomin should have followed the last time he tried to Invade, remember you heard it here first, folks! Roar Trout, noisiest fish on Gielinor!

29-Sep-2016 21:38:55

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