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Bwian's Towel and Grief Shop

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Kings Abbot

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Ah! Good to be back (sort of). Traveling up and down between Earth and Enceladus is very tiring. Unfortunately, there is no use for tires during the trip nor in my sandwich shop. I better started a tire shop there instead of a sandwich shop, nobody there seems to like them, including me! And I kind of missed the epic finale of GRIEF, searching safety on a moon of Saturn was maybe a bit overkill, I would have seen it happen on Earth's moon, and my sandwich shop would have haf some more costumers since humans have figured out how to get there in one piece.

Will you pay me if I advertised for Bwian's Towel and Grief Shop in my sandwich shop on Enceladus? It would at least give me some sort of income since my sandwich shop is close to bankruptcy. (Did I spell that correctly? Meh... Who cares. At least you don't, Corugi, since I don't recall you spelling my name correctly even once!)

We could use Peeperwop's holes as traps to keep away possible costumers who think they can buy towels here. Traps that consist of a very deep hole with pointy sticks placed vertically on the bottom of the hole.
Or traps that consist of a deep hole with a vicious beast in it.
Or traps that consist of a deep hole filled with dangerous chemicals like liquid air/nitrogen/helium or Grignard reagents, or trifluoromethanesulphonic acid, or mercury-ethane, or butyl lithium, or plutonium, or sodium chloride at reflux temperature.
Or traps that consist of a deep hole with rotting bodies of victims of dangerous diseases in it.
Or traps that consist of a deep hole with a whip on the bottom and a note saying 'here's the whip, kindly flog yourself until you die because we can't be bothered to do it ourselves, not selling towels is a serious business'.
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08-Jul-2018 18:03:37

Kings Abbot

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Corugi said:
Kings Abbot said:
I don't recall you spelling my name correctly even once!


I was away from school the day they taught spelling :(

Its all Molly's fault anyway. Somehow.


I see you corrected your mistake, thank you! In return, I will advertise for Bwian's Towel and grief Shop in the Enceladus Sandwich Shop for free and just abandon it. One day, NASA or Elon Musk will find it and stumble in here. Denying towels to NASA, can you imagine it?

What happened to the slaves and all the annexed stuff from GRIEF? Did they escape, or do we have them in the backroom? It would explain the weird noises...
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09-Jul-2018 11:14:00

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So we lost all our slaves? Even the German forums? The mods we captured? All of it just... gone? That's depressing...

We'll capture new costumers slaves by advertising! I'll travel back to Enceladus to put lots of posters over my bankrupt sandwich shop saying stuff like 'Don't want towels? Visit Bwian's Towel and Grief Shop on planet Earth.!',
or 'The worst shop for your interstellar travel needs? Bwian's Towel and Grief is there not to please you! Third planet from this system!',
or 'Go away. Signed: Corugi, boss of Bwian's Towel and Grief shop.'. Luckily I built the shop close to the water fountain, so anyone searching there for water will find it. Enceladus is only 800 km across and would fit in any hole the size of France.

To go there and back again will take some time, if I don't encounter any traffic jams along the way I should be back by next week Friday. I can't stay in touch because my spaceship's wifi broke, and the shop's internet has been shut down because I couldn't pay for it anymore.

Just act like I'm on holiday (which I'm totally not).

Pray for my speedy return and that no Apollo 13- shit happens to me along the way. I should survive even that, Belgians are tough! We beat Brazil in football in Russia (like I care)!

Now where did I leave my towel...
Ah, there it is! All set!
So long and thanks for all the fish!
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09-Jul-2018 18:59:45

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Warning: Transmission intercepted
Date: July 15th 2018
Time: ERROR - PLEASE CHOOSE YOUR TIME ZONE FIRST TO TURN TIMES FROM OTHER TIME ZONES INTO YOUR OWN LOCAL TIME
Source: Saturn


Captain's Log of Kings Abbot
Stardate: 11-07-2018

Although I can't broadcast the chronicles of my journey due to the broken wifi aboard my rental space ship (with no hyperdrive at all!) I'll make them anyway in case I find a way to get them to Earth.

During the gravitational slingshot around Mars' busy outer space lane rings (there is still no bypass to split the local and passing-through space traffic because some dude objected) I suddenly saw a big amount of traffic above Earth. Many missiles were launched from Earth's surface and flew kinda everywhere in orbit-like patterns. Either World War III had just started (damn you Trump!) or Corugi is behind this.

I fear it is the latter as some of the missiles were actually capable of homing in on my ship after a long while (it takes time to find something the size of a house twenty lightminutes away), but by then they were already short on fuel and went totally nowhere. Serves you right for not getting your missiles from the Sirius Cybernetics Concern, boss 'rugi!

Luckily, some missiles mistook the ship of the best Vogon poet BrafKatirvvvvvvvv (that was just passing by for his intergalactic tour) as mine and blew that up instead. The happy chatter on the ether the following minutes dissuaded the Vogons to retaliate against Earth as they knew that would start a war between every species and the Vogons and would take way more bureaucracy they could handle.
Thank you, Corugi, for saving Earth and the galaxy from such horror!

I'll need to stop at Ceres tomorrow for new fuel as the fuel tank is very tiny (damn you CheapSpace Rental Services!). Maybe I can get my wifi fixed there in the meantime...

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15-Jul-2018 15:15:34

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Warning: Transmission intercepted
Date: July 15th 2018
Time: ERROR - PLEASE CHOOSE YOUR TIME ZONE FIRST TO TURN TIMES FROM OTHER TIME ZONES INTO YOUR OWN LOCAL TIME
Source: Saturn


Captain's Log of Kings Abbot
Stardate: 12-07-18

After arriving at Ceres in the asteroid belt in the evening, I quickly found a mechanic while my rental ship was being refueled. Paying for the fuel and ship is luckily done when returning it back to CheapSpace Rental Service as you can only refuel at their refueling stations (which charge more than other refueling services of course) and keep a record of it.

It was quite difficult to get the mechanic to understand the problem since I couldn't understand its language (I don't know how to see what gender an alien is when it has 17 tentacles all around it's perfect spherical body without any holes or even eyes, if it even has a gender in the first place). I really can't describe the sounds it made, and since I could feel vibrations and got a nosebleed after a while, most of the sounds were either below or above the human hearing. Unfortunately I have no Babelfish I can stick in my ear to translate for me, and I was unable to find one either.

Finally, it pointed with one of its tentacles to the satelite dish on the side of the ship and when I nodded and pointed as well, it took something totally, except for a small bit, unlike a hammer, climbed up the side of the ship and hit the satelite dish once with the tool. It climbed down again, put the tool away and held out a tentacle in a certain way that implies 'Pay me'. I tried to give it a flier for Bwian's, but it refused by shrieking violently, giving me a huge headache. The only other thing I had on me was a piece of chocolate, and it seemed to accept it after 'tasting' it with some of its tentacles. Then, it left, leaving me puzzled and slightly sceptical. I'll test if the wifi works tomorrow after spending the night in a local hotel.

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15-Jul-2018 20:14:40

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Warning: Transmission intercepted
Date: July 16th 2018
Time: ERROR - PLEASE CHOOSE YOUR TIME ZONE FIRST TO TURN TIMES FROM OTHER TIME ZONES INTO YOUR OWN LOCAL TIME
Source: close to Saturn


Captain's Log of Kings Abbot
Stardate 13-07-18

The day started very good. The hotel I rented a room for the night accepted the flyer for Bwian's as payment after I said it was a very unique piece of paper worth a lot of money. Some aliens can be as stupid as humans, can you believe it? It's just a hand-written paper saying 'Bwian's Towel and Grief Shop: #1 in causing grief and #58401926469101725502817103746 in selling towels if we wanted to', and I have some more in my pockets I casually drop here and there.
By the way, the majority of space traffic in the solar system is actualy caused by aliens who want to see our stupidity and primitivity. We're practically livingin a zoo, although the interest mostly goes to Trump, North Korea and especially creationists. For some reason, some aliens even do human cosplay if their anatomy allows dressing up and talking English like humans. I already asked myself why I wasn't stared at everywhere, and asked someone who looked like he was poorly dressed like a human. He didn't even give me a weird look. At least I blend in and they don't bother me.

Damn that tentacled sphere! The wifi is still down! I could have known. Odly enough, I suddenly got the message that there was an update for the operating system Windows 42 (which shows how primitive we really are). During the refuelling, CheapSpace made connection with the ship to check on its status and such. The ship must have used this connection to download the update, bypassing the broken wifi.

The update says it will need at least half a day to install since the hardware of the ship is so old and broken (damn you again CheapSpace!) and will disable several services (like the microwave) during the installation, so I'll install it overnight.

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16-Jul-2018 10:58:12

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Warning: Transmission intercepted
Date: July 16th 2018
Time: ERROR - PLEASE CHOOSE YOUR TIME ZONE FIRST TO TURN TIMES FROM OTHER TIME ZONES INTO YOUR OWN LOCAL TIME
Source: somewhere between Jupiter and Saturn


Captain's Log of Kings Abbot
Stardate 14-08-18

Since I was getting close to Jupiter yesterday evening, I decided to install the update for Windows 42 after I got past Jupiter. You don't want your navigational computer and autopilot disabled right before taking a gravitational slingshot around a massive object with 20+ moons circling around it. That was some good thinking since both were actually disabled during the installation, as was the microwave, the fridge (too small to put anything in there) and the toilet. I went to sleep when a loading bar a meter wide was projected on the main window (the equivalent of a windscreen in a car) with a progression of about a few milimeter every minute.

When I woke up near lunch time, everything worked fine, and there was a single message on one of the monitors. It said:
'Dear user, some malware is detected that makes the use of wifi impossible. This was implemented on purpose by CheapSpace Rental Services, and this update was made deliberately to counter that. Do you want to counter the malware? Note: it could be that CheapSpace counters our actions in the near future.'
Damn CheapSpace! I selected the 'yes'-option, and after half a minute, I had my wifi back! Time to check on Bwian's!

To clarify: I took my own towel with me, the shop's towel (probably the one I gave you at the end of GRIEF) should still be around. If it isn't, it isn't my fault. Perhaps an unhappy costumer took revenge?
Also, I didn't take the fish, it's just a saying. The fish was starting to smell anyway, you don't want that smell in a spaceship you'll spend ten days in. Maybe an animal ate the fish? We shoud start looking for grizzly bears, sea lions, bald eagles and dolphins within our ranks!

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16-Jul-2018 20:45:12

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Warning: Transmission intercepted
Date: July 17th 2018
Time: ERROR - PLEASE CHOOSE YOUR TIME ZONE FIRST TO TURN TIMES FROM OTHER TIME ZONES INTO YOUR OWN LOCAL TIME
Source: near Jupiter


Captain's Log of Kings Abbot
Stardate 15-07-18

Although I answered to two posts in my previous log entry, I couldn't send it because the ship can't find the wifi broadcaster on Earth because it is too far away. All I can do is download this thread because that is what I programmed the wifi broadcaster to broadcast into space. The problem is in the ancient hardware of the ship (damn you for the umpteenth time CheapSpace!).

I arrived early this morning on Enceladus before the morning rush hour, and to my greatest surprise, there were costumers inside my sandwich shop! Technically, they just hijacked the airlock so they could enter without the key and set up camp inside the pressurized shop. The aliens looked like Ewoks and were actually quite friendly after I persuaded them that I meant them no harm (they luckily learned English when they actually played Ewoks for George Lucas' Return of the Jedi).

Their previous colony on another moon of Saturn got infected by a vicious mold, and they found my abandoned shop to be the perfect place to start anew. They told me they were the best engineers in the system and could fix anything, they already brought back internet to the shop by tricking the internet company they were being paid for it with a simple hack.

I had something they wanted and they could help me, so I made them a preposition: I would gift them my shop if they 1) fixed my ship (wifi, small fuel tank, hardware etc.) and 2) tell anyone they meet to go to Bwian's and give them one of the flyers I made earlier. They happily agreed and fixed everything on my ship, refuelled it fully and even removed the tracking systems installed by CheapSpace (they actually designed it) so the ship basically became mine. Hah! Take that CheapSpace!

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17-Jul-2018 11:32:15

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Warning: Transmission intercepted
Date: July 18th 2018
Time: ERROR - PLEASE CHOOSE YOUR TIME ZONE FIRST TO TURN TIMES FROM OTHER TIME ZONES INTO YOUR OWN LOCAL TIME
Source: Asteroid Belt


Captain's Log of Kings Abbot
Stardate 18-07-18

With my wifi now perfectly in working order, I have been slowly sending my log entries in the direction of Bwian's in case someone is interested. And no, I am not on holiday.
To Fifi: I haven't been to Blackpool, although I have heard of its famous pier and Christmas lights. It would take too much time to reach it easily from Belgium with the car however, I needed already half a day to drive to Eastbourne two years ago with the change of local time already in my favour.

Nothing interesting happened between leaving Enceladus with my former shop in the caring paws of the Ewoks (their original name is impossible to pronounce for humans) and now heading for the Asteroid Belt. This explains the lack of log entries, not my laziness.
Although this ship is mine, I will share it with the rest of you of Bwian's if you promise not to damage or do crazy stuff with it. It's not possible to repair it on Earth, and stealing a new one might not work. We could keep it behind the shop with a NOP-field (Not-Our-Problem-field) around it to hide it, people (and Elon Musk) would freak out if they saw a spaceship the size of a five-storey building capable of leaving Earth's gravitational pull using less than 0.01% of its total fuel (pretty neat, isn't it?).

It might be handy to park the ship above a hole so the very hot exhaust can go someplace where it wouldn't harm anyone or anything during landing or takeoff, so to Peeperwop: are you willing to dig a hole with a diameter of four meters and at least thirty meters deep somewhere in the yard behind Bwian's by Friday afternoon? Much appreciated! You could lead it to the end of the lift shafts to burn any survivers easily without needing a stake or firewood!

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18-Jul-2018 15:42:12

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FiFi LaFeles said:
Will you please both stfu with the showing off of your spacecraft travel hmmm?

All I've got is a pair of roller skates and one of the wheels is wonky.

We are not amused.


Sorry. My space travels have ended anyway, so I won't grief you anymore with it. I placed the ship somewhere else since I didn't see the hole I asked Peeperwop to dig for me to park the ship over. I now had to land somewhere in a grassy field and completely scorched the area with the exhaust. I didn't trust putting the ship so close to you guys anyway.

I just need a name for it. Bwian? Bigus Shipus? Naughty Boy?

Corugi said:
Kings Abbot said:
Nothing interesting happened between leaving Enceladus...


Meanwhile, near the orbit of Phobos, along with a hired fleet of Silastic Armorfiends, Corugi waits...


If you had checked any night sky simulater program you would have seen that Mars is the wrong way if you go past Jupiter to go from Saturn to Earth. It would have taken more time to go to Mars (and dodge the two small moons that Phobos and Deimos are) and take another gravitational slinghot around Mars than to go straight to Earth from Jupiter. I hope you had enough potato sacks with you to keep the Silastic Armorfiens busy. Where did you find those guys anyway, aren't they extinct due to their extremely violent nature?
And even if I would go there, the ship has the best camouflage and cloaking device so you would never have seen me passing by in front of your nose.

Corugi said:
Trewavas said:
I'm thinking an official anti-anthem is needed. I'm bored of the current lift music.


And space battle music. There is a distinct lack of space battle music here.



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vzyHxYxc-Mo

Here you go! Just ignore the forty year old animations made using real models...
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25-Jul-2018 11:17:16

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FiFi LaFeles said:
I vote for "Bigus Shipus" - it makes me grin and I don't know why.

I wish I'd known you were on your way back, I'd have shown you somewhere to park; there's a person who really needs eliminating and I'd be demonically delighted if a spaceship parked on their head.

Ummm, I don't suppose you brought back any souvenir towels with you hmmm? Doesn't matter if they're grubby, I quite like them a bit soiled.


Your vote has been noted, thank you!

Although I don't have any towels, there are some very itchy blankets in the bunks of the ship. That's as close as I can get, will you accept that?

Paradoxanity said:
Corugi said:
Paradoxanity said:
*wild illusion appears*

Wild illusion uses "why is there no music cape in rs3?!"

*it is not very effective* *cricket noises*

* wild illusion flees*


I strongly suspect you are Treemaid.


Your suspicion is inaccurate clearly I am an illusion that pilfers towels.


This sniffs like a Somebody Else's Problem field (SEP field, not the previously NOP field I mentioned since I translated it wrongly from Dutch to English). I'll start an investigation!
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25-Jul-2018 16:45:28

Kings Abbot

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Paradoxanity said:
*Pilfers king abbot's mum's personal towels*

Investagation ey?

Leaves a single wash cloth behind signed:"catch me if you can coppa!"

*flees*


*looks carefully through magnifying glass at post*

Can't see anything suspicious or anything to disprove that you are Treemaid.

Rock solid conclusion: you are treemaid using a SEP field to hide yourself! I was able to notice you in the corner of my eye.

For the
WAR
-part: my ship has one of these aboard for extreme rugged terrain on planets that actively try to kill you:



Only, there seems to be something wrong when I try to pull up and can't figure out what the problem is...



And for some reason, the second gif doesn't play.
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26-Jul-2018 17:11:32

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Trewavas said:
Bump!

>_>


Aaaaaaaargh!



Aaaargh! Uuuuuuuuurrrr Ahhhhhrrrrrr Urrh Ahhhhhrrrrrr Aaaaargh



*pants*

Those bump-posts get to me every time! I kindly ask you not to repeat that for the sake of my sanity (which already has lost some of its partitions). I cannot be held responsible for what happens if I lose my sanity completely.

On other news, I have thought of a banner for the shop! The banner can also be placed at the top of the opening post. We only need a visual artist to create it since my photoshop level is 0 (I lost some xp because I couldn't find it on my pc, and since level 1 is a requirement to open photoshop, I can't). Here's the idea:

The banner consists of some scene of Brian and his cross from the movie (either carrying it or being nailed bound to it (was it really that hard to use some nails, Monty Python?))( < brackets within brackets! Whoa! .
Instead of wearing clothes, Brian wears a (or several) towel(s). The towels can be (very) dirty.
The cross is not made from wood, but is the word GRIEF, with GR and EF making up the short side-arms and a very elongated I being the main beam.
Brian can wear a Tetsu helm or a Robin hat (with the feather on the wrong side perhaps), but that's optional. Some other dudes in the background or some Romans could wear those instead if Brian doesn't. Imagine Romans wearing Tetsu helmets! The Romans could "torture" brian with some towel whips.
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29-Jul-2018 11:02:38

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Trewavas said:
Bump!

But with that one word aside, I support the above idea.


*heart attack*

whispers: thanks for the... *cough* support... eurgh...

*gives hart massage to self*
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30-Jul-2018 11:13:20

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Trewavas said:
... Maybe.



Oh no! An insulting Frenchman! Run! Before we get insulted some more!
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31-Jul-2018 18:14:57

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What y'all think of my forum avatar? Used the Twitch Prime free trial for some free membership!
Is Amazon part of our shop? They really didn't want me to cancel the Amazon Prime free trial because it normally changes into a normal paying subscription without warning if you forget you have it. Such griefers those guys!
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03-Aug-2018 10:56:42

Kings Abbot

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Trewavas said:
Kings Abbot said:
What y'all think of my forum avatar? Used the Twitch Prime free trial for some free membership!
Is Amazon part of our shop? They really didn't want me to cancel the Amazon Prime free trial because it normally changes into a normal paying subscription without warning if you forget you have it. Such griefers those guys!


You look resplendently 'orrible.

But I mean it's an improvement on that hunk of wood the FifiFroofs had on her head up until recently.


Thanks, I wasn't expecting any more than that!
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04-Aug-2018 11:04:35

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Corugi said:
Scouse said:
I would like to hereby send in my resignation and leave bwians towel and grief shop on the basis that i have been left out of the managerial list.

If you rip my resignation letter up and try and tell me i can't ever leave i will find you all and smear your front doors with the meat out of a sausage skin mixed with some daddies tomato sauce and start a revolt thingy called Gwief and attack using the !!!7!!! symbols

Or you can give me some sort of recognition.....


Why, it so happens we do have an opening for some one of your skills and experience....

DIGGING HOLES!

With Peeps, in the maintenance department.

Make sure you dig 'em deep now. They are going to come in very useful later on.



Now that you mention it, where is Peeperwop? He didn't dig the hole I asked for to park the Bigus Shipus over (you guys are terrible at voting for a name, only Fifi cast her vote!), and the amount of holes around the shop seems to stay constant. He might have made a run for it! He could have dug a tunnel in one of the holes to leave us undetected.

In a Mr. Burns voice: Release the hounds!
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05-Aug-2018 09:03:26

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Corugi said:

Fortunately the Morlocks were quite understanding and offered to encase me in cryogenic goo. They then sealed me safely in a container where I patiently waited some 300 billion years for the Universe to end and then be reborn again. I popped out of my little capsule just now.


By Merlin's beard!

You just proved that time is cyclic! The laws of thermodynamics have to be rewritten because a cyclic universe would be forbidden because of entropy. Entropy must rise (or stay equal for reversible reactions which are not possible in the real world), so if it continues to rise and never lowers, how can it cycle through the same values in the next iteration of the universe?

Everything we know is a lie!
Our lives are a lie!
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06-Aug-2018 11:23:37

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Corugi said:

But I confess I was waiting for someone to correct the spelling, for surely it would be...

BIGGUS SHIPPUS



Indeed! Thank you for correcting my awful mistake, Biggi Corugi! (Corugi is sounds like the plural of Corugus, so I have to adjust Biggus to that.)
I shall correct my mistake immediately! Luckily, the ship has changed names quite a lot over time, according to its history, it was named the Tachi, the Rocinante and the Pinus Contorta earlier. It won't be a problem to change the name from Bigus Shipus to
BIGGUS SHIPPUS
.
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06-Aug-2018 11:34:45

Kings Abbot

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*inserts happy hand in hole*

*something happens*

Oh, the kitty wants to be petted!

I think your trap failed, hoss!

I suggest using some cling foil, it's completely invisible and tough as steel!



You guys shouldn't have annexed Imgur, it's griefing me again by not playing the gif!
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07-Aug-2018 16:36:41

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There's an ad in my description, so that can't be the problem...

I met the boss yesterday, saving all the noobs from Clawdia in World 2! I am truly disappointed that he doesn't wear a Tetsu helm! Reason enough to sell him as a slave.

Wait, what if me make him a slave, but keep him? We just let him make the beer for free, take over your shift so you can drink some tea (that he also made) and let him help Peeperwop dig more holes. Seems like a win-win to me if you ignore his side of the deal!
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08-Aug-2018 10:25:54

Kings Abbot

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Kings Abbot said:
Corugi said:
HELP!

I have been sold into slavery by my own clannies!

My only hope now is that someone will purchase me and thus save me from a lifetime of eternal torture and cat food.

Look, let bygones be bygones, and make a truce, shall we? Let this senseless war be settled. All you have to do is purchase my freedom and we can call it a lasting peace.


Gotcha!
Got out of your shackles, eh? Let's take you back to where you belong!

*drags Corugi by the hair


*throws Corugi in a deep hole behind the shop

He escaped, but I found him back at our "enemies" at the Caped Carousers Clan. What shall be do with him now?
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09-Aug-2018 16:36:07

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Corugi said:

We can only cower in abject fear at the thought of what she will annex next.


Your soul perhaps?

Fifi, are these stories true, or is Corugi only trying to save his own worthless skin? We need a lie detector.
And a visual artist to make the banner. I believe that is also Fifi's task as head of the human resources?
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10-Aug-2018 11:27:24

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So if you have annexed time, you must know what I shall post next then? Please show me your unlimited power!
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10-Aug-2018 16:38:10

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I vote Fifi! It is clear that she has the brains to rule us all! The Winner of September 2019's MUPAQ™ Award is
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11-Aug-2018 12:23:49

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Corugi said:
I get dinner?

Oh! The cockroaches. Well, of course...


But I want dinner too!

Let's update the list of stuff we need:
- a list of stuff we need
- a visual artist to make our awesome banner
- a cook to make us dinner
- optional: a Death Star (preferably without an exhaust vent directly leading from the outside to the reactor core to prevent any douchebags from launching a missile into it causing the whole thing to explode)
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13-Aug-2018 11:31:01 - Last edited on 13-Aug-2018 11:32:23 by Kings Abbot

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Trewavas said:
Kings Abbot said:
Let's update the list of stuff we need:
- a visual artist to make our awesome banner


Done.



I like it!

New list of stuff we need:
- a list of stuff we need
- a visual artist to make our awesome banner
- a cook to make us dinner
- food for the cook to cook (I don't like eating cockroaches, they sometimes carry a diamond, pieces of coal or a bronze dagger with them and that hurts the teeth)
- a new Chief Accountant since Krista left.
- some towels
- optional: Death Star/bypassable line of fortresses/protomolecule
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14-Aug-2018 16:26:58

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I have a title too!

Kings Abbot, owner of a guinea pig who:
- pees when I ask her to,
- refuses to learn not to leave her droppings on my belly,
- drinks ice-tea,
- likes ice cream,
- can sleep and poop or eat and poop at the same time,
- is afraid of coconut (seriously, she runs away slightly distressed when she smells it and I have no idea why),
- has no patience at all.
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15-Aug-2018 16:04:33

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Sorry to inform you, Supreme Emperor, but I am not a cat person. They poop and pee in my majestic garden which causes empty patches that stay for at least two years before any grass starts growing there again. Therefore, I always hiss to any cat I see in the neighbourhood so they know they should stay away from me and my garden. It works pretty well too!
If I would hiss in my posts against that kitty, it could be mistaken for hissing to you, Keeper of Boogies, and since that would not be polite, I refrain of doing so.

I thought my title would give away what kind of person I am...
My guinea pig would agree with this kitty though about crawling beneath ones clothes to do a nap, but it would be beneath all the clothes instead of just beneath a jacket. Unfortunately, my guinea pig is with the vet today to remove a swelling in her mamary gland (again, but this time it's not as big as the first time some years ago). She's in good hands, the vet is very good at his job.

It appears the rebels were capable of completely negating the damage of the kitty, leaving the opponent flabbergasted. Out of politeness, no counterattack was launched.
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16-Aug-2018 10:58:06

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My God!
A miracle from Saint Fifi! This is a sign from the heavens!

*ponders about what we are doing


Indeed, let there be peace, for how can
WAR
ever be polite, even if we are polite against each other?

As a token of my goodwill, I want to raise a proposition: unburden Corugi from his slavery under the condition he tries to be as polite as possible, and I will do the same.
All in favour say 'aye!', all against also say 'aye!'. Those who don't cast their vote will be placed in the 'aye'-camp.

Furthermore, another token of my goodwill: if you want to see my guinea pig who underwent small surgery without any problems and eats, sleeps and poops like nothing ever happened, I can post a picture of her here one of the following days. All in favour say 'aye!', all against also say 'aye!'. Those who don't cast their vote will be placed in the 'aye'-camp.

In the meantimen enjoy this happy stampede!
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17-Aug-2018 19:01:32

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No Trewavas, Fifi is not the enemy, she is the saviour of us all!
Let us make peace!
We cannot ignore the miracle of
golden towels
!
Imagine how people would come flocking to the store trying to buy those, then seeing their faces when we say they aren't up for sale!
Muhahahaha!
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18-Aug-2018 14:33:12

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Wolfblue42 said:
Ordered grey towel 4 days ago did not arrive. Dog is currently wet as of 30 mins ago.

Houston we have a problem


Cease your fighting, we have a costumer!

Dear sir Wolfblue42,
As stated in the opening post:
Corugi said:

WE DO NOT SELL TOWELS


I think that should solve your problem.
Also, we have some
golden towels
from the Saint Fifi that are not up for sale.
Thank you and please come again!
Oh, and watch your feet, there are some deep holes outside we certainly don't want you to fall in...
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18-Aug-2018 18:13:18

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Trewavas said:
I blow my nose at you kind sir.


Kopeng Trewavas, mi pensa we should be beratnas, ke! There is no need to fight your bosmang! So wa peng! Just forgive the pampa! Tumang shouldn't fight another!
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20-Aug-2018 11:29:59

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Since you really want to fight, beltalowda, what about fighting forum trolls?
Or some clans?
Or Jagex (again)?
Or an unphysical beam of water?

Or some protomolecule hybrids?
Or the coffee machine?

Or the RuneScape forums because they can't play the videos I posted here?
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22-Aug-2018 18:24:52

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Okay, how about math?

(full link since the forums act up again: https://i.imgur.com/o9binTs.gifv)
Or gears?


(full link: https://i.imgur.com/OqVWpzK.gifv)
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23-Aug-2018 10:29:15

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Corugi said:
Gears are fun to watch and poke your fingers the fingers of someone else into.


It is indeed!

I've had an idea for the posts on the first page that are still under construction, what if we post a working gif (damn you forums!) of the tower Brian falls off because it's still under construction? It would be very fitting! Imgur has some gifs, but they don't show the scenes before the falling and show too much scenes afterwards.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F28vzg3FTxY
From 42 (such a coincidince!) minutes and 38 seconds to 43 minutes and 8 seconds.
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25-Aug-2018 11:09:38

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Corugi said:
Kings Abbot said:
Not really my suggestion, but okay.


I know.

Because.

Because the world is round it turns me on
Because the world is round, ahhhhhhh....
Because the wind is high it blows my mind
Because the wind is high, ahhhhhhhh.......



At some point I did try looking for gifs of your suggestion but then I got distracted. Which is rather easy. Much as I would like to remain focused... say, did you know that the dot on top of the letter ‘i’ and ‘j’ is known as a tittle?


I already searched for it myself and there isn't one. We need the magic powers from a powerful wizard who can download a piece of the movie on youtube and turn it in a gif. I am not that wizard.

A tittle, you say? Fascinating!
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27-Aug-2018 11:25:17 - Last edited on 27-Aug-2018 11:25:37 by Kings Abbot

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FiFi LaFeles said:
Sounds bloody boring to me.


That seems to be the point, yes. It seems to be working alread!

When will the Boring Conference be held?

Something boring as a starter: I'm updating the drivers of my graphics card while RS is updating.
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28-Aug-2018 11:08:26

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I see you have a new avatar! It looks nice!
I lost mine between yesterday and today it seems after my Membership ran out Friday. At least it's still in the banner!
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03-Sep-2018 10:56:47

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I stopped being a member because the free membership via the free trial of Twitch Prime ended. I just took the chance to clean out my bank and get rid of members-only items, but after a few days I got loads of them again. My st00f will stay my st00f for quite a while...

For some reason it still shows up that I'm a member in the forums even though it ran out last week and I lost my forum picture already...
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05-Sep-2018 10:52:56

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(This is not a way too bump the thread back up, I swear!)

If I ever quit playing RuneScape, I will remember your offer, Fifi. I trust you more with my st00f than Corugi.
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07-Sep-2018 13:01:09

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I believe a musician can be trusted. Whatever Fifi doesn't want from my st00f when I quit (if that even, and if it does it will take at least some decades) you can have. Congratulations, you're second in line! If Fifi quits before me, you'll get it all! The Winner of September 2019's MUPAQ™ Award is
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08-Sep-2018 20:48:16

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ik plantte ne keer patatten, patatten, patatten
ik plantte ne keer patatten in mijne grond

wa komt eruit gekropen, gekropen, gekropen
wa komt eruit gekropen uit mijne grond

één twee drie landmeters, landmeters, landmeters
één twee drie landmeters uit mijne grond

en ze slaan daar overal staksjes, staksjes, staksjes
ze slaan daar overal staksjes in mijne grond

en wa groeit er aan die staksjes, die staksjes, die staksjes
wa groeit er aan die staksjes in mijne grond

kranen en bulldozers, bulldozers, bulldozers
kranen en bulldozers in mijne grond

en heel den dag maar scheppen, maar scheppen, maar scheppen
en heel den dag maar scheppen van mijne grond

en heel den dag maar gieten, maar gieten, maar gieten
en heel den dag maar gieten op mijne grond

en wat is't dat ze daar gieten, daar gieten, daar gieten
wat is't dat ze daar gieten op mijne grond

't is beton en asfalt, asfalt, asfalt
't is beton en asfalt op mijne grond

bovenop mijn patattan, patattan, patattan
bovenop mijn patattan in mijne grond

en't begon ferme te stinken, te stinken, te stinken
't begon ferme te stinken op mijne grond

en dat duurde zo wa maanden, wa maanden, wa maanden
dat duurde zo wa maanden op mijne grond

maar dan komt de koning, de koning, de koning
dan komt de koning op mijne grond

dan komt ook de minister, de minister, de minister
dan komt ook de minister op mijne grond

en't begon nog meer te stinken, te stinken, te stinken
't begon nog meer te stinken op mijne grond

en dan komt ook heel 't leger, heel 't leger, heel 't leger
dan passeert heel 't leger langs mijne grond

en honderdduizend toeristen, toeristen, toeristen
en honderdduizend toeristen langs mijne grond

en wat vragen die toeristen, die toeristen, die toeristen
wat vragen die toeristen langs mijne grond

zeg, verkoop je geen patatten, patatten, patatten
verkoop je geen patatten van uwe grond !?

~ Willem Vermandere
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16-Sep-2018 13:00:25

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How did you get changed into a cow?

Anyway, here's the reaction gif that would be too interesting for the boring conferance:
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22-Sep-2018 11:16:01

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Corugi said:
Kings Abbot said:
How did you get changed into a cow?

Anyway, here's the reaction gif that would be too interesting for the boring conferance:


I can't watch that without thinking about the amount of cat urine that would have needed cleaning up.


Now you got me thinking about puke if the cat got dizzy enough...
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24-Sep-2018 12:16:12

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That looks so realistic!

You mixed up the heads, now I can't make the joke 'I know nathing, I am from Barcelona Belgium!'
You don have my avatar anymore that you used in the banner? It would make your art 100% perfect instead of the 99.9999% it is now. That default helm is so boring and clashes a bit.

Alos, I remember that one of the anagram jokes at the start of each episode on the board outside had something to do with towels...
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28-Sep-2018 11:17:11

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It appears there was not one but two Fawlty Towers intro sign jokes involving towels!

Episode 5 has 'warty towels', and episode 12 has 'farty towels'.

For all the other 'anagrams', see here: http://www.thefawltytowersguide.co.uk/fawltytowersanagrams.htm

Trewavas said:
Finding your original avatar was incredibly boring.

So I gave up.


It can be found on the Wikia (that soon will not be Wikia anymore) when searching for the butterfly mask. If it's too boring to do it here, please feel free to go to the conferance and do it there.
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29-Sep-2018 09:40:05 - Last edited on 29-Sep-2018 09:50:42 by Kings Abbot

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What was actually up with the stairs on the first floor? Why go up too far and come back down again? Thay wasted quite some space there...



Also, the very nice image of Trewavas would fit perfectly in the staff list section of Bwian's, don't you think?

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30-Sep-2018 16:12:42 - Last edited on 30-Sep-2018 16:19:49 by Kings Abbot

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Corugi said:
Train timetables would be disrupted beyond any hope of making Luton by 5.00pm!


My Guthix, that's already happening in Belgium right now!

What if we call ourselves practically pointless? Theoretically we have a point (being pointless), but that doesn't affect the stuff we do (which is pointless).
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01-Oct-2018 12:10:34

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No, my real name isn't Linus. I also didn't know where Luton was (although I suspected it was the UK I had to know for sure).

Belgiant trains usually have toilets on them, but not every carriage has one. Not that I use them, you're shaking all over the place when the train crosses another track and those things are probably quite filthy. And some people use them to sneakily smoke cigarettes in since you can't smoke inside the train.
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01-Oct-2018 21:26:32

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To bring the topic back to trains, here's some funny stuff.



^ That's not something you'll see a train do in Belgium... They usually have the speed relative of the top one here:



I actually used to have those kind of toys! I could recreate it if I want!

And the trains usually go in circles when they do decide to move...



Or they're having a strike...





^ We're kind of in the category of 'Zimbabwe'

That is, if you can even find the station...

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04-Oct-2018 20:53:20

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Trewavas said:
I vote we storm the gates and revert the Robin Hat. They're all at the rather pointless RuneFest thing anyway (also known as look at all they hype updates we'll promise but never deliver), so they'll never suspect it.

Should also delete the NXT client whilst we're at it as it has never worked anyway.


NXT always worked for me, so let's install a switch so anyone can do whatever they want.

Unfortunately I won't be coming with you, I've just got a cold and I would want to infect you too.


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06-Oct-2018 18:44:50

Kings Abbot

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FiFi LaFeles said:

Have you noticed that we are not attracting new clientele lately?
What is the matter with Forumers these days, not wishing to patronise the finest AntiClan on Runescape? Damned philistines.


The ad in my description can't be the problem! It's got a link and anything!
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07-Oct-2018 21:31:28

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Wait, we have a stock room?
Also, we have a waste pipe?
My Guthix, we even have a wall!
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08-Oct-2018 21:09:14

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I don't get the reference I think (which hasn't happened to me that much), but I don't want the 10 gp either. The Winner of September 2019's MUPAQ™ Award is
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09-Oct-2018 12:02:20

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FiFi LaFeles said:
For trying so hard 'Rugi, I have left your 10gp in a drawer, in a house. In Darkmeyer.


I saw Anja teleport away yesterday with a Drakan's medallion when I was walking around Rimmington for no reason at all, and she teleported back after a moment! I think I heard some coin-noises coming out of her pocket when she walked by. Guess you'll have to claim them from her one by one! If she didn't give the coins to her husband that is...
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10-Oct-2018 12:00:46 - Last edited on 10-Oct-2018 12:01:56 by Kings Abbot

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Corugi said:
Who is Anja and is she corruptible? Failing that, can she be lured into da wildee?


I don't think so... She's too clever for that, and Jokku is protecting her anyway!
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11-Oct-2018 22:15:12

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[Jumps in through the window.]

[Cuts arm because of broken glass.]

*Panting...

Boss!

*Pants some more

We have a problem!

*More panting

[Looks at bloodied arm.]

[Shrugs]

Some dude called Lord Vondur is claiming to be more evil than Courgi or Coruigi (I think he means you) and has given Scouse (who changed in a cow somewhere in the past) mad cow disease via lutefisk and the disease has now spread to humans as well. Symptoms are currently random poisoning upon login.

[Blood keeps pouring on the floor.]

This Lord Vondur claims to have dragonkin employees and is trying to get world domination. Should we do something? Like start a
WAR
or something? Or kill the dude and take his dragonkin employees? Or even better: enslave him!

[Lots of blood everywhere now.]

I do think we need to take some action, even if it were to debate in the boring cvonfetrenancve. Perhaps we can lure him there and kill him with boredom?

[There's even blood on the ceiling now.]

I'm getting light-headed...
Do we have a doctor in the shop?
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16-Oct-2018 21:00:32

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Don't forget he has ABBA! You can get through anything with them! The Winner of September 2019's MUPAQ™ Award is
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18-Oct-2018 12:21:58

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Sorry darling, I can't hear your S.O.S. when I'm near you.

Can't we weaponize ABBA ourselves too? All the things we could do if we had a little money. If we won, we'd take it all and leave the loser standing small!
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20-Oct-2018 16:54:59

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Corugi said:
Kings Abbot said:
Sorry darling, I can't hear your S.O.S. when I'm near you.

Can't we weaponize ABBA ourselves too? All the things we could do if we had a little money. If we won, we'd take it all and leave the loser standing small!


There are times I fear you.


Fear is the path to the dark side…fear leads to anger…anger leads to hate…hate leads to suffering.
I sense much fear in you.
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21-Oct-2018 22:52:04

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Of course! Only a Sith Lord would be as evil as Corugi. Now that the secret is out, are you perhaps working on (or planning) a weapon of mass destruction?
I couldn't fail to notice that when I was traveling around Saturn, one of it's moons (Mimas) looked like the Death Star. Are you hiding a Death Star there?


Or is it?
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22-Oct-2018 20:57:31

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Corugi said:
"Festering" did you say?

That's not a moon! That's my head!


Where's the tetsu helmet then?
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26-Oct-2018 11:19:57

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Corugi said:
Kings Abbot said:
Corugi said:
"Festering" did you say?

That's not a moon! That's my head!


Where's the tetsu helmet then?


Umm..in hyperspace?


To get into hyperspace, one needs to accelerate past the speed of light. If your helmet has past it, why hasn't your head? And even if your head is moving a bit slower just below the speed of light, it should be contracted along the direction it is moving in by a factor 1/gamma = sqrt(1-v²/c²) with v the velocity and c the speed of light (3*10^8 m/s) as Einstein predicted with his special relativity. Yet that moon still looks perfectly round, so it's velocity is even far below 0.14c as that is when the factor gamma becomes 1.10 and causes a time dilation of 10% and a length contraction of 1/1.10 = 0.91.

Therefore I conclude that you lost your helmet.
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29-Oct-2018 22:01:56

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Sorry, I'd like to keep my hand for now. I'll give one to you the moment I don't need it anymore. Perhaps I'll throw in a lightsaber too!
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30-Oct-2018 14:16:50

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Sorry for the double post!
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30-Oct-2018 14:16:56 - Last edited on 30-Oct-2018 14:19:56 by Kings Abbot

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FiFi LaFeles said:
hurr hurr !

And ... what on earth is that thing with Skywalker's hand - a toy? How grisly.


I guess so. Gotta make as much money as possible! It's quite unknown where the hand actually went, but the lightsaber returns in Epsiode VII.
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31-Oct-2018 09:55:20

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I just checked the Boring Conference and he's not there, and he's also not hiding out at the Caped Carousers. The Winner of September 2019's MUPAQ™ Award is
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01-Nov-2018 17:06:10

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Don't worry, it's just a magic trick!

Now where is the bonesaw?
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02-Nov-2018 12:13:01

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What cheese thread? I kinda like cheese as long as it's not too old or moldy. My favourite is Leerdammer. The Winner of September 2019's MUPAQ™ Award is
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04-Nov-2018 12:39:49

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Corugi said:
Whats this crazy talk of nuclear war????

Enough talk! Lets get on with it!


I see you already threw one at Lord Vondur, but to no avail. His disgusting food has made him inhumanly strong and resistent. If you need more, Belgium is storing some nuclear bombs of the US in Kleine Brogel. I heard the bobms are actually illegal, so feel free to take them off our hands!
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06-Nov-2018 22:06:15

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Corugi said:
Whats this crazy talk of nuclear war????

Enough talk! Lets get on with it!


I see you already threw one at Lord Vondur, but to no avail. His disgusting food has made him inhumanly strong and resistent. If you need more, Belgium is storing some nuclear bombs of the US in Kleine Brogel. I heard the bobms are actually illegal, so feel free to take them off our hands!
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06-Nov-2018 22:06:15

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Corugi said:
Whats this crazy talk of nuclear war????

Enough talk! Lets get on with it!


I see you already threw one at Lord Vondur, but to no avail. His disgusting food has made him inhumanly strong and resistent. If you need more, Belgium is storing some nuclear bombs of the US in Kleine Brogel. I heard the bobms are actually illegal, so feel free to take them off our hands!
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06-Nov-2018 22:06:15

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FiFi LaFeles said:
Rookie


Thanks!

Now, what are we going to do against our nemesis? We can't allow evil people to roam around if they're not part of Bwian's! We should have the monopoly on that!
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08-Nov-2018 12:44:27

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Jack Flac said:
Corugi said:
Kings Abbot said:
FiFi LaFeles said:
Rookie


Thanks!

Now, what are we going to do against our nemesis? We can't allow evil people to roam around if they're not part of Bwian's! We should have the monopoly on that!


I promise to come back if you promise not to cut my hand off. Cut Trewavas's hand off instead. He look a lot more like Luke Skywalker than I do.
*Casually drops the fishnet onto Corugi*

I got him guys. Better get this hand quick if you want it.


My Guthix! I never knew we had a fishing net! We could cath fish with it and not sell it! We could poison the fish, dry it to some Swedish delicacy and give it to Vondur. Wouldn't that be a nifty plan to get rid of our nemesis?
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11-Nov-2018 11:24:53

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Trewavas said:
I dropped a fish, and thought I couldn't pick it up ever again.

Then I realised I still use the Java client as it actually works, and all was well with the world.

Until it dawned on me that the fish was infact, poisioned


We already have a poisoned fish!
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12-Nov-2018 21:49:42

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FiFi LaFeles said:
Did Luke ever get his feet cut off? I'm getting bored with cutting off hands and quite fancy a variation in my butchery.


Luke got to keep his feet, but his father on the other hand...

Having no limbs at all (he lost his right hand three years earlier by the hand of Count Dooku and only has his robotic arm left after he challenged Obi-Wan Kenobi having the high ground) he now has trouble keeping a good equilibrium, and his poor sight through his helmet isn't helping...
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13-Nov-2018 22:08:34

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Are we even with enough to get to ten people? I'm not a member so I am not agile. It's a miracle I still haven't fumbled over my own feet. The Winner of September 2019's MUPAQ™ Award is
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21-Nov-2018 12:08:01

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I'm outraged that they're gonna close down the Ninja forum! We're supposed to use the Game Content Suggestions forum now... The Winner of September 2019's MUPAQ™ Award is
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22-Nov-2018 11:50:58

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I'm actually surprised Jagex isn't splitting the forums over two pages, one for RS3 and the other for OSRS, each linked to by their respective homepages. The Winner of September 2019's MUPAQ™ Award is
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23-Nov-2018 11:16:31

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Well, we at least have some forums where we can test some more nukes in! We should post dozens of nuke threads in the forums a day before their closure. What are they gonna do against it? The Winner of September 2019's MUPAQ™ Award is
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24-Nov-2018 12:44:42

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Corugi must be sleeping, otherwise he would have been running around excitedly for a day now. He really likes to nuke things.
Perhaps he's out to collect as much nukes as possible?
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25-Nov-2018 12:16:37

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This getting scary! It's just like that Star Trek: The Next Generation episode where doctor Beverly Crusher got stuck in some sort of copy of the Enterprise where everyone started disappearing and then the whole ship was disappearing as well! The Winner of September 2019's MUPAQ™ Award is
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26-Nov-2018 12:17:14

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There's no fun crucifying people if Corugi isn't here, we do it all for him. We also don't have anyone to crucify (which is usually also Corugi).

At least he's not run off with the Biggus Shippus, as that is still standing in a nearby park with a sign saying "Modern Art" in front of it. Cheapest camouflage ever!

Corugi must be planning something so EVIL, all EVIL of the world combined still looks rather good in comparison. Exciting!
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26-Nov-2018 22:37:57

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Trewavas said:
I'm sure we can find somebody or something.


I have looked and couldn't find anything. Not even a towel!
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27-Nov-2018 22:18:13

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Jack Flac said:
Trewavas said:
Oh Kings, my dear fellow gwiefer, I was beginning to think you too had been deleted.

You're right of course. The towels were deleted because people seldom use them.
Nah, they weren't deleted. I saw somebody using 'em as kindling in an attempt to torch Biggus Shippus.


And it never got past an attempt. Do you really think a fancy spaceship can actually burn? All that happened is that the engines stayed warm.
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28-Nov-2018 12:14:19

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FiFi LaFeles said:
Sssssh! No talking in the Shrine puhleeese.

I may have neglected to tell you that since we have no stock (not that we ever did) the Shop has been converted into The Shrine of The Holy Deleted.

To be fair, it made sense given the random corpses laying around in here.

We could charge people to enter, say their prayers and light a candle. Our candles, naturally. We could produce those for nothing by just melting down the bodies.

Whaddaya'll think?


Excellent idea!

I'm also glad you have been undeleted! Now only Corugi is still missing...
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28-Nov-2018 22:51:15

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I can type with my nose on my iPad, but it's really slow and you get dizzy fast because of the head movements. I would not recommend it, so Corugi should do so. The Winner of September 2019's MUPAQ™ Award is
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29-Nov-2018 11:55:50

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Treemaid said:
Ah! At last an outlet for my peculiar skills! I offer my services as towellessness consultant. My fee: all, and any, towels which should ever come your way. Thus will I ensure your towellessness in perpetuity.

I can only save you from towel infection though. Removing grief is not my area of expertise. You may of course, pay me to *not* remove grief, if you so desire. I am highly skilled in that. I have to warn you though, grief is sooo last year! I’d advise you to refresh your stock. Or stocklessness. Whichever you prefer.


I think you would do well in our stockless shop, search for Corugi to get introduced. He's currently a tired head than can type with his nose, but since he's so small now you might need to search for him. He also might have fallen in one of the many holes of Peeperwop dug outside the shop, and I he might get stuck there without hands or feet to climb out again.
Once you found him, he might add you to the staff list if he isn't too tired and hasn't lost his nose by then too.

Perhaps we can help Corugi by putting his head next to yours on your shoulder and giving you an extra arm so he can type better when you're using your two hands already. After that you could try to apply for president. We must have a spare arm lying around here... Will Ponta Baba's hairy arm chopped off by Obi-Wan Kenobi's lightsaber in Mos Eisley's Cantina suffice or does it really need to be human?
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30-Nov-2018 11:24:06

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If Treemaid is okay with it... I'm no doctor, but I can certainly try to do the surgery! How hard can it be?
I already know where to find the arm, it's a right one! You will be able to write two things at once (if you're righthanded of course)!

Just say the word and I'll jump in the Biggus Shippus and fly to the Chalmun's Cantina in Mos Eisley on Tatooine! I hope it's still there though...

Anyway, what are we doing all the way at the bottom of the forums page? We're even below the OS forums! This is outragous, it's unfair!
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03-Dec-2018 22:30:46

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Wouldn't the Website and Forums forum be more relevant? If it still exists... The Winner of September 2019's MUPAQ™ Award is
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04-Dec-2018 12:04:23

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Trewavas said:
Just thought I'd pop in and say hey, I've not been deleted.

Can't be bothered to sing the rest of my song though.


You could playback it! We won't notice!
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04-Dec-2018 22:19:21

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FiFi LaFeles said:
Kings Abbot said:
Wouldn't the Website and Forums forum be more relevant? If it still exists...


It does (somewhere) but I don't think anyone actually reads it.

Whereas FMR they certainly do - every time Halley's Comet appears.


Isn't that gonna take another forty or fifty years or so? I should be still around by then as I was not born when it previously came by.
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05-Dec-2018 12:08:44

Kings Abbot

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FiFi LaFeles said:
I'll be a Holy Ghost by then so you have my permission to append my name to your complaints posthumously.

I'll come back and rattle my chains at them and groan "whoooo-ooo-ooooo" in a sinister manner, if you think that will help.


Please do! I already live close to a big cemetery, so I'm used to see that kind of stuff.
Do you think you'll be able to choose the colour of your appearance when haunting around? You could appear as a blue Force ghost! How cool would that be?

I checked, and Halley's Comet came by in 1986 (a decade bofere I was born) and will return in mid-2061 (another 42 years and a half). Wait, 42? This must be a sign...
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06-Dec-2018 23:00:55

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Scouse said:
If i stick my head in the door from time to time can i be the 5th member, i'll be sporty spice!


Or you could be the moose head hanging on the wall in Fawlty Towers, you look like him!
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08-Dec-2018 12:18:20

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KABSPESAS
(Kings Abbot's Biggus Shippus Project for the Exploration of Space and other Awesome Stuff) can join
CADO
if you want me to. The Biggus Shippus is capable of flying alone using a preprogrammed schedule or from a distance using any tablet or smartphone, so it's a great tool to see what is happening out there. Its sensors are very sensitive and precise! Its weapons are also not to be underestimated, capable of defending us against most of the nasty stuff out there (at least for a while, giving us time to respond accordingly).
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09-Dec-2018 12:39:31

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And I thought not drinking alcohol was a good idea!

Luckily for me I'm hiding in my ship! No way you'll get to me! See how my ship competlely disabled a ship much bigger than itself with only some minor damage!
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09-Dec-2018 22:52:34

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I used the Biggus Shippus' advanced sensor systems and discovered that all the cloned alien versions of Bwian's staff (including the nose) were receiving and sending data to somewhere close to Mars.
Nosy as I am, I immediately went to take a look as what was going on there. In a wide orbit around Mars I found this!



I was able to get closer by hiding after Mars' moon Deimos and floated in from there while jamming their scanners. They didn't even have their shield up! I docked the ship at an unguared airlock, forced myself a way in, nosed around a bit while making sure not to get seen (easy as they weren't expecting me and the two alien joggers I had to hide from were paying no attention at all to their surroundings) and found some kind of lab with big tanks. Inside those tanks, there were some human beings floating.



The robot maintaining the people hadn't seen me and I slipped inside afte the robot left. I found all the staff of Bwian's and some other random people as well, the only thing I couldn't find was a nose.
Then I noticed there was a door in the lab leading to a seperate chamber with another tank which looked a lot more complicated. This one had the full body of Corugi in it, so they seem to have completely regrown him from his nose. Impressive!
I got everyone out and dragged all the unconsious bodies back to the ship.
After that I went back to search for the control center which I found without bumping into anyone (seriously, those aliens should defend their space station better!), scared all the aliens in the control center away by sneezing at them (which was unintenionally as I planned to shoot them all), deactivated the alien clones and ordered the space station to self-destruct in about tne minutes.
I ran back to the ship, shot some aliens I encountered to smithereens, undocked and flew away.

The explosion was beautiful!

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13-Dec-2018 22:50:23

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And that all in time for Christmas!

It seems we also have quite a supply of limbs from the deactivated alien clones. What are we gonna do with it?

P.S.: you might see some shooting stars tonight or tomorrow night from the debris of the space station.
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13-Dec-2018 22:52:10 - Last edited on 14-Dec-2018 11:38:54 by Kings Abbot

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On the Fourteenth day of Christmas, Kings Abbot gave to you, Fourteen Alien Limbs, Thirteen People Saved and Twelve Shooting Stars, along with what the true Fred' gave to you, Eleven Griefers Toweling, Ten Beaches Cleaned, Nine Twillow's Neining, Eight Friends are Quitting, Seven Count Resets, Six Robin Hood Hats, Five forum games! Four clan members, three griefing songs, two penguin crates and a large helping of RuneScape parodies. The Winner of September 2019's MUPAQ™ Award is
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14-Dec-2018 11:38:31

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Jack Flac said:
bump :)


Did we bump into something perhaps?

https://imgur.com/gallery/KTk78at

I was going to implement all the gifs, but the forums won't play them (again).
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20-Dec-2018 22:25:27

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Corugi said:
I think you should all start Eve accounts. Just so you can all suffer alongside me.


No thanks.
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26-Dec-2018 12:10:49

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FiFi LaFeles said:
Hello, and how are you basement dwellers today?
Satisfyingly smeared in algae, used toilet paper and rat poo, I trust.

You could break free from this misery, you know.
Oh yes indeedy!

All you need to do is make an Eve account and you will know the meaning of utter despair and degradation, and will return to this reeking cesspit with abject gratitude.


I don't have a basement.

Wait, whose basement is this then? Where am I?
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27-Dec-2018 12:15:20

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Jack Flac said:
Kings Abbot said:
FiFi LaFeles said:
Hello, and how are you basement dwellers today?
Satisfyingly smeared in algae, used toilet paper and rat poo, I trust.

You could break free from this misery, you know.
Oh yes indeedy!

All you need to do is make an Eve account and you will know the meaning of utter despair and degradation, and will return to this reeking cesspit with abject gratitude.


I don't have a basement.

Wait, whose basement is this then? Where am I?
Don't you remember? We locked you in the basement of the Clan Grief citadel right before we sank the thing. You are curently visiting Davy Jones' Locker.


Davy Jones should clean out his locker because it stinks! Especially his dirty socks...
Oh, what's this? Diving equipment! And the remains of its orevious owner. It still has some air in the tanks, so I'll find my way out, no problem!
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28-Dec-2018 18:34:40

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FiFi LaFeles said:
Hang on a sec ..... what's Snoop doing here? I was damned sure we'd eaten her.

I think we need an Exorcist.


I watched the movie (awesome music by the way) and I could take a look if you want. Tie her to the bed (beware of the puking and if the bed starts floating).
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29-Dec-2018 12:18:13

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^ So basically afk RuneScape where others can raid your stuff when you're mowing the lawn?

Also, mining an asteroid isn't boring when you use explosives. Nitroglycerine should work in the vacuum of space as it contains more oxygen than needed to blow up the stuff. Every four molecules releases one oxygen gas molecule along with the nitrogen gas molecules, carbondioxide and water. Do prevent shocking the stuff, as it is quite unstable.
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30-Dec-2018 18:07:33

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Yarr!
Happy New Year from me in six hours and fifteen minutes at the time of writing.
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31-Dec-2018 16:46:04

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I can't believe it myself, but I slept through the whole fireworks thing at midnight. The Winner of September 2019's MUPAQ™ Award is
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01-Jan-2019 16:28:29

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If you Google 'Corugi' you can actually find out he used to play Clash of Clans. He mentioned on a forum of that game four years ago or so he was going to make a clan in RuneScape.

If you liked that game, there's a Star Wars version of it as well.
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05-Jan-2019 12:18:21

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FiFi LaFeles said:
Myst


The game discs from the kickstarter will arrive soon!

EDIT: they arrived today! No scratches whatsoever or damaged stuff. Now I just have to wait for the big thing to put them in.
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08-Jan-2019 16:53:11 - Last edited on 09-Jan-2019 18:22:08 by Kings Abbot

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Are we seriously going to close the shop? We haven't even sold anything...

Well, that was kind of the point, but still.
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10-Jan-2019 12:28:05

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Corugi said:
Kings Abbot said:
Are we seriously going to close the shop? We haven't even sold anything...

Well, that was kind of the point, but still.


It's true, I have the market data right in front of me, we have been remarkably successful in achieving zero sales.

Tbh I think its just Fifi trying to be horrid as usual. Yes. I suggest we have her encased in concrete. In the form of a garden gnome. Only leaving her eyes uncovered. Pop her down in the back yard as a sort of creepy garden ornament. Yes. Along with all the others.



What about freezing in carbonite? It makes for some nice wall decoration! At least Han Solo was in Jabba the Hutt's palace.

King Tumeken said:
The Revolution has begun. . .









You can not stop Ragnorak.


Meh. If Ragnorak wants a towel he won't be getting any!
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10-Jan-2019 18:11:20

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Trewavas said:
Oh, I see new year, new head for our leader.


No head actually, and it has been like this from before New Year. Corugi still is able to post like he used to, so I think he's not really human. Perhaps that alien in the very beginning of the first Men in Black? That one had a human-like mechanical head on a stick.
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11-Jan-2019 12:14:51

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I just said my final goodbyes to that thread, don't bring it up now. It's giving me a headache. How can that guy be so stubborn, naive and ignorant about the world? The Winner of September 2019's MUPAQ™ Award is
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13-Jan-2019 12:19:09

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Corugi said:
Trewavas said:
Anyway, hope everyone had a good weekend besides that minor piece of hilarity. Does anybody have any lift music that needs composing while I'm here?


Well seeing as I am just a disembodied nose, some nose music would be nice.



That comic made me laugh so hard! I never thought about that.

Wait, you lost your body again? What happened to it this time?
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14-Jan-2019 12:12:54

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Corugi said:
Kings Abbot said:

Wait, you lost your body again? What happened to it this time?


Yeah, I lost another one.



Those bastards in Eve keep blowing up my spaceship. When you get blown up you can escape in a pod. But then they blow that up too. My nose was the only thing to survive.


You could ask to be turned into a cyborg like General Grievous. He can survive the vacuum of space, and he mostly abandons ship the moment things go wrong, causing him to escape capture many times.
Also imagine having four arms that can work together like two arms with six fingers on each hand of which two are thumbs, each at one side of your hand.
You'd be good at lightsaber combat if you can locate some nice additions to your collection.

Juts be carefull of space monks that jump behind you to say "Hello there!", they tend to use "uncivilised" blasters to blow you up.
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16-Jan-2019 18:40:52

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Who is 'they'?

(This is not a disguised bump.)
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19-Jan-2019 18:18:58 - Last edited on 19-Jan-2019 18:20:44 by Kings Abbot

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*gasp!* A costumer! All to battle stations! Red alert!

Good day, sir!
How can we not help you in our awesome shop?
Would you be interested in attempting to buy these fine towels which are not for sale?
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20-Jan-2019 12:17:57

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Where did the costumer go? I blinked and he was gone! At least no towels were stolen, and the costumer count for 2019 is not zero anymore! Time to celebrate! The Winner of September 2019's MUPAQ™ Award is
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21-Jan-2019 17:39:48

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RawrCereal said:
How much money can I earn by working in your sweatshop?


None.
But we don't ask employees to have any skills either, so that's the bright side of it. Since we don't sell anything we also don't make any sellable stuff.
I believe Human Resources Manager Fifi is the person to go to with all your questions.

May I ask how you find your way here? As Chief Marketing I am always eager to know how people get here. Did you see my or Corugi's signature somewhere and followed the link? (Which is a very brave thing to do, we could use someone brave like you for some future wars!)
Or did you decide to read all the forums and find us by accident? (In that case, congrats on getting all the way to the bottom! That took a lot of bravery too! It seems you are a very brave person, or a very foolish person. Either way, you'll make a fine addition to our collection!)
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22-Jan-2019 17:45:03 - Last edited on 22-Jan-2019 17:45:34 by Kings Abbot

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Tahlzar said:
If you don't sell towels then what exactly can I buy here?


My Guthix, another costumer! Where are you guys all coming from? 2019 will be a good year!

You can't buy anything here, but we give away grief for free by not selling anything. We accept wasted time too as a currency.
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24-Jan-2019 11:37:53

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Corugi said:
Kings Abbot said:
Tahlzar said:
If you don't sell towels then what exactly can I buy here?


My Guthix, another costumer! Where are you guys all coming from? 2019 will be a good year!

You can't buy anything here, but we give away grief for free by not selling anything. We accept wasted time too as a currency.


I have come to the conclusion that they are spies.

We need to set them up with on a blind date with a brick wall.


You don't think we are going to get competition from another towel store not selling towels? It'll ruin us!
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25-Jan-2019 12:06:05

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Tahlzar said:
I'm not a spy! Running a shop would be too much work anyway.


You're right about the latter, but you could be working for a bigger conglomerate that splits the work into managable portions amongst its individuals.

Boss, do we have some truth serum around here?
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26-Jan-2019 13:02:26

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Unless Tahlzar is a guinea pig that suit won't fit. Even if it did and he spoke the truth we loose the armour as it's at the bottom of the lake...

We could throw him off our truth tower (on an island south of Draynor Village with a bridge leading to it), if he dies he told the truth, if he survives he lied and we burn him.
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27-Jan-2019 12:12:45

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Oh.
As long as the rumor that people disappear here without explanation doesn't get out we should all be fine!
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29-Jan-2019 18:48:52

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Nice wall painting! Looks painful for that one dude though... The Winner of September 2019's MUPAQ™ Award is
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30-Jan-2019 12:11:02

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I believe we have some competition here, as Tophurious has started a low effort clan called 'carcinogenic'.
I find that this is harassment against me and Bwian's.

TO WAR!!!!
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31-Jan-2019 12:29:08

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Can it wait til tomorrow or the day after? I don't have much time today... The Winner of September 2019's MUPAQ™ Award is
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01-Feb-2019 11:27:27

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I'm not here for two days, and Corugi is already trying to kill everyone instead of starting a war against Tophurious' Carcinogenic. I thought you liked
WAR!!!


Here's some battle music to get you in the right mood:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AphxyjrH4SE
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03-Feb-2019 18:12:45

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FiFi LaFeles said:
I'm not bloody well dead yet btw.

Now get me out of this freakin' sack :@


I apologize for Corugi's rather rash behaviour, it must be mating season for him. But that's no reason to suddenly enlist with our new archnemesis Tuphurious with his low-effort Carcinogenic!
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04-Feb-2019 12:02:09

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FiFi LaFeles said:
I haven't enlisted, I'm spying.

All Clan secrets will be available to the highest bidder, as usual :)


Sweet!

I offer these seven gifs!

https://i.imgur.com/hJ9fhA0.gifv
https://i.imgur.com/A5RXIns.gifv
https://i.imgur.com/z5yWoSy.gifv
https://i.imgur.com/v0rSiyL.gifv

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04-Feb-2019 19:12:28 - Last edited on 04-Feb-2019 19:15:42 by Kings Abbot

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FiFi LaFeles said:
Ohhhhh kayyyyy

You've won the bid.


Woohoo!
Found any secrets yet?
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05-Feb-2019 12:20:37

Kings Abbot

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Interesting!

Further payment for future secrets (just links, the forums probably won't play even half of them if I embed them):
https://i.imgur.com/Wmr9tex.gifv
https://i.imgur.com/H3HEvyb.gifv
https://i.imgur.com/rIOfNIk.gifv
https://i.imgur.com/b1lFYDD.gifv
https://i.imgur.com/ib8isNz.gifv
https://i.imgur.com/358TMBl.gifv
https://imgur.com/gallery/TvynIWv
https://i.imgur.com/mCwO2Lu.gifv
https://i.imgur.com/ZjCvLPP.gifv
https://imgur.com/gallery/IrQ01jK
https://i.imgur.com/T63UEyj.gifv
https://i.imgur.com/Y4aOs5T.gifv
https://i.imgur.com/czB4S.jpg
https://i.imgur.com/wx0mpGg.gifv

Not only kittens, but dogs and other stuff too!
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05-Feb-2019 19:06:58 - Last edited on 05-Feb-2019 19:11:46 by Kings Abbot

Kings Abbot

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Tahlzar said:
Apologies for having been gone for so long. You have some rahter large holes in your shop. It took me awhile to get back up here.


You indeed have to watch your step. Try to avoid not only the holes but the possible boobytraps and mines too!
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07-Feb-2019 12:07:06

Kings Abbot

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FiFi LaFeles said:
I think Scouse dug those holes. But it was probably because Corugi asked him to.

Yeah. I'd blame Corugi.



Isn't Corugi to blame for EVERYTHING? If it weren't for him, we wouldn't be working in a shop that went bankrupt before it even opened...

Tophurious said:
aw you're so kind, fifi:D or you're plotting something.


I believe Tophurious is getting slightly suspicious about why you're there...
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09-Feb-2019 18:33:09

Kings Abbot

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Sorry, no refunds. Wasted time is a rare comodity, and we have great plans with it! Someday. The Winner of September 2019's MUPAQ™ Award is
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13-Feb-2019 22:41:06

Kings Abbot

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Scouse said:
Kings Abbot said:
Tahlzar said:
Apologies for having been gone for so long. You have some rahter large holes in your shop. It took me awhile to get back up here.


You indeed have to watch your step. Try to avoid not only the holes but the possible boobytraps and mines too!


Melted marshmellows smothered all over my hands are good to trap boobies!


That is a boobytrap indeed! I like the way you think!
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16-Feb-2019 18:58:06

Kings Abbot

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Tahlzar said:
Scouse said:
Melted marshmellows smothered all over my hands are good to trap boobies!
Is this for sale? I can't get towels here but who knows this place might sell something interesting after all.


As Bwian's is a shop renowned for not selling anything, no. We could add it to our catalogue of items which are not for sale though.
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18-Feb-2019 22:57:50 - Last edited on 18-Feb-2019 22:58:25 by Kings Abbot

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You could go to Sandwich. I've been there, and all you can do is visit a garage sale in the local church and see how some guys try to recover a sunken boat from the local stream. The boat has probably been saved after more than five monhts now... The Winner of September 2019's MUPAQ™ Award is
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20-Feb-2019 21:47:11

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FiFi LaFeles said:
Wow, Sandwich sounds like a fun kind of town. I'll pack my suitcases immediately.
I hope it's raining when I get there, that'll be just perfect.


If you want something on your Sandwich, the village of Ham is only a few miles off...

If you want a quiet place to eat it I suggest the abandonned hovercraft ferry terminal in Ramsgate found by following a path through the bushes behind a viking ship.
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21-Feb-2019 11:31:22

Kings Abbot

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FiFi LaFeles said:
OMG I actually travelled on a Hovercraft from there in the 1980s ! It was terribly exciting at the time.

Just Googled the place and there's a couple of YT vids of people walking around the site .... really creepy, lol.

It would be a good place to set up a branch store, were we to consider expanding our empire.


You actually were in one of those? Awesome! I heard that the ride didn't take long and that it could be bumpy.

The place is quite creepy now, so it would be the perfect place for a second shop! Imagine all the illegal immigrants trying to cross the Canal and set foot in the UK right in front of one of our fine shops! If we tell them that all shops are like ours they might actually leave the UK again of their own free will. Which means they'll stay more in France and Belgium. We need stores there too!
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22-Feb-2019 12:14:42

Kings Abbot

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Trewavas said:
My hovercraft is full of eels.


I hate snakes eels!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4vifMPdH8CY&feature=youtu.be
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28-Feb-2019 22:31:16

Kings Abbot

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Jack Flac said:
Legionnaire said:
Lord Bucket said:
Oxtus said:
EVERYONE IS MAXED!

This is lame. We must purge.


Agreed, we must cleanse the lands and purge the unworthy. Of course, all of their bank goes to you and me. A reasonable 90/10 percent split. 90 for me, 10 for you.


I agree. No idea what it is but it has the word purge so it must be something bad.
Someone ready the hound dogs. One of the escapees has shown themselves.


What dogs? We're not a pet store!
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05-Mar-2019 22:23:35

Kings Abbot

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Jack Flac said:
Kings Abbot said:


What dogs? We're not a pet store!
How about Corugi? He's pretty dog-like


That's only because he only has a nose at the moment (again).

Where is he actually? Haven't seem him for quite some time. I wonder what he's up to this time...
Or maybe he accidentally flushed himself through the toilet. Being only a nose can be tough.
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06-Mar-2019 11:57:08

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But we don't have fluffy pink towels in our shop! You must have sent the underage minor to a knock-off shop imitating us. If you search the internet, you find dozens of towel shops that actually sell towels. The horror!

And now something completely different...

Our neighbours have an evergreen in their garden, and it's an ugly one. We have cursed on it many times and hoped that it would fall over in the next storm. It was already leaning to the left (away from our garden, we're at his right side, but it would fall in the garden of the neighbours on his other side, all gardens in the block are very small), so he put some planks against the trunk to prevent it from falling. Not that those planks would actually do anything, they stand loose on the ground and they won't hold the weight of a (very ugly) tree if it would fall.
Yesterday, we got some unpredicted heavy winds and gusts, and the tree was moving quite severly, so the neighbour added some more useless planks on the left side.
Suddenly, the tree fell. It fell
backwards
. Into someone else's garden. The trunk just snapped right above the ground.
Now our view is suddenly so much bigger! We were looking out to some kind of two storey high shed-like thing at the back of our garden (whic is 10 by 10 meters or so), and our right side has an ugly, small court with an ugly small shed-like thing. The tree kinda was the only non-building we could see outside our garden. Now we see half the block, which is weird, and now they can see us too!
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11-Mar-2019 21:54:58

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In loving memory of my guinea pig Cleo

2013 - 15/03/2019

She was the most intelligent guinea pig I ever had.
She had the strongest character of all.
She was also the most lazy. She would only get up for food.

You will be greatly missed...
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17-Mar-2019 21:30:48

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Thanks for all the kind words!
Cute she was indeed! And she had a very weird taste, she was willing to try anything I held in front of her (crisps, chocolate, cookies, you name it) and even demanded to try anything I was eating and handn't offered her first. She didn't care if it wasn't healthy! And she liked to drink the last drop of non-carbonated ice tea from my glass. She grew impatient if it took too long for me to empty it and would start pushing against it or pulling at the top. I've got a picture of that too, I can post it next weekend if you want to see.
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24-Mar-2019 21:51:55

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Damn, forgot to copy the picture, it'll have to be for the next weekend.

Last weekend I got myself persuaded in adopting a new guinea pig. Once you had one, you can never live without 'em. They're too cute, friendly and smart.
Meet Leia, she's around three months old, and after a week she already begs for food, talks a lot (usually for no apparent reason) and enjoys getting petted.
My parents are taking care for her during the week. You'll notice that she has something behind her ear (a mold that appeared after some stress during a previous transportation), but it's looking much better already after some treatment (the pictures are a couple of days old already).

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31-Mar-2019 22:17:53

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Here's a picture of Cleo drinking the last drop of ice-tea from my glass:

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07-Apr-2019 22:03:16

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FiFi LaFeles said:
That's really cute ^_^


Also not that healthy I think, but you just can't say "no" to such a cute nose!
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18-Apr-2019 11:36:59

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Woah, boss! You scared me there! Suddenly popping up behind someone's back after more than a month away isn't good for the heart!

Also, ew! You can have a tissue. Or a stroopwafel. I don't really like them. Certainly if they start dressing up like people and help Sinterklaas.
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24-Apr-2019 21:41:15

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Boss?

...

Boss?

...

Goddamnit! Where'd he go this time? How can we run a shop properly if the boss doesn't show up to lead us. We can't do our job without someone telling us what to do! Even if our job is doing nothing, we should be told to do so! Otherwise we only do casually nothing.
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30-Apr-2019 22:12:49

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Scouse said:
I came across a job lot of face cloths "from the back of a lorry" if you're interested, cheaper price if bought in bulk.


I would like to buy them all for zero. Currency yet to be determined.
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04-May-2019 11:27:24

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Luna Kitten said:
FiFi LaFeles said:

You can make an express application by placing your resume directly in the paper shredder.


Lmao I'm dead


Oh God! Not another dead body! What do we do with this one?
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05-May-2019 12:32:40

Kings Abbot

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Corugi said:
Kings Abbot said:
Luna Kitten said:
FiFi LaFeles said:

You can make an express application by placing your resume directly in the paper shredder.


Lmao I'm dead


Oh God! Not another dead body! What do we do with this one?


Simple. We get Scouse to dig some more holes. He's very good at it, you know, and he enjoys the work.



The problem is, we have so many holes already that they all combined into one big hole. Trying to dig another one will make the current hole turn into this:

Seems like a bad idea.
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06-May-2019 22:04:47

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I'm back too! Wasn't really dead, but had quite some work. The Winner of September 2019's MUPAQ™ Award is
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29-May-2019 19:30:17

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Tophurious said:
6/10 needs more grief


Let's grief you by not giving you the amount of grief you were expecting. How's that?
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01-Jun-2019 11:42:12

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FiFi LaFeles said:
That's some impressively evil cackling.


And it is even returning...
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03-Jun-2019 19:10:57

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FiFi LaFeles said:
I wonder if that bloke is ugly irl, or if it's all make-up.


It's all make-up.

Episode I (left) and Epsiode III (right) after the 'I AM the senate' incident:


Epsiode III before the 'I AM the senate' incident:


How he looks now:
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04-Jun-2019 11:39:35

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Kameno Frog said:
um wut


We do have that effect on our costumers, yes.

Welcome to Bwian's Towel and Grief Shop, how can we not help you?
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16-Jun-2019 18:18:07

Kings Abbot

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Summer sales ad?
As head Marketing it's my job to make ads and I didn't make one...

What are you looking at? I guess it's just some blood spatters. Or goo. Or snot. Better not look any closer! I can't guarantee it isn't some protomolecule!
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18-Jun-2019 19:21:33

Kings Abbot

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FiFi LaFeles said:

Can I play with the protomolecule, please?


If you can find it, sure. I can't remember where I put it, and perhaps Corugi has run off with it.

Just play safe! Don't let it loose on Eros, don't let it loose on kids with immunitiy disorders to create hybrids, and if it makes a ring, don't go through, certainly not at high speeds. And try not to touch it directly to avoid certain death. Kill it with a powerfull torch or a nuke to destroy it. It feeds on radiation though.
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21-Jun-2019 11:25:24

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Tophurious said:
corugi is a big stinkin noob


He's not here anyway, so say whatever you want about him! We honestly don't care anymore if he abandons us.
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23-Jun-2019 11:15:04

Kings Abbot

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Corugi said:
Kings Abbot said:
Tophurious said:
corugi is a big stinkin noob


He's not here anyway, so say whatever you want about him! We honestly don't care anymore if he abandons us.




What do you expect when you abandon your shop and coworkers? Happy to see you return though. I like the quietness when you're not here and I like the surprises when you're here, so it's a win either way!
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06-Jul-2019 19:15:14

Kings Abbot

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Tophurious said:
FiFi LaFeles said:
Well damn, we have a defector. Peeperwop has joined some second-rate outfit due to their having a ramshackle scrub of a Citadel and a bunch of tedious ranks.

Left US. For them :|


pffft


eeewww


Who's even left?
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19-Jul-2019 15:26:27

Kings Abbot

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Tophurious said:
Kings Abbot said:
Tophurious said:
FiFi LaFeles said:
Well damn, we have a defector. Peeperwop has joined some second-rate outfit due to their having a ramshackle scrub of a Citadel and a bunch of tedious ranks.

Left US. For them :|


pffft


eeewww


Who's even left?


good question. you weren't hiding anyone in the basement were you?


We aren’t hiding people there as fas as I know, but that doesn’t make it safe to enter though.
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21-Jul-2019 10:11:50

Kings Abbot

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Tophurious said:
Kings Abbot said:
Tophurious said:
Kings Abbot said:
Tophurious said:
FiFi LaFeles said:
Well damn, we have a defector. Peeperwop has joined some second-rate outfit due to their having a ramshackle scrub of a Citadel and a bunch of tedious ranks.

Left US. For them :|


pffft


eeewww


Who's even left?


good question. you weren't hiding anyone in the basement were you?


We aren’t hiding people there as fas as I know, but that doesn’t make it safe to enter though.


so what do you have in there?


There used to be some protomolecule-things down there, but I don't know if they're still there. Also some other junk that could kill you. Perhaps some dead bodies the protomolecule hasn't transformed yet. Maybe Corugi himself resides there!
At least no towels, not the Biggus Shippus (it's way too big) or its keys (too obvious to hide them there).
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22-Jul-2019 10:12:13

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Tophurious said:
hmmm


No, I don't think Hmm is down there. I've never seen him (or his crab hat) around the shop.
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25-Jul-2019 18:31:16

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FiFi LaFeles said:
It smells a bit fishy though. Crabby-like.


Why not Zoidberg?
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26-Jul-2019 18:54:53

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Tophurious said:
i'd be concerned if this place had cold wet towels


You should be concerned no matter what...
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29-Jul-2019 16:39:00

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FiFi LaFeles said:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


BWIAN'S


is proud to announce their world famous Mid-Season
SALE



Commencing next Tuesday Bwian's will be offering their incomprehensible incomparable range of non-existent towelling products with breath taking discounts. Prices slashed right across the store!

Every lucky 1000th customer will receive a bonus free, gratis and for nothing gift of a horse-sweat soaked rag previously owned by a wishful beggar !!!

Yes folks, this is your chance to shop 'til you drop (and at Bwian's you are guaranteed a catastrophic collapse). Bring your friends! Bring your family! Bring the kids! Bring your bank to Da Wildy!


BWIAN'S - the home of truly luxurious imaginary towels since 2018


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


That's way to big to put in my description... I'll post it in spam threads before they get locked.
Also, you're stealing my job!

I've got a new description, and I'll jumble up the links every now and then! Muhahahaha!
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31-Jul-2019 16:22:36 - Last edited on 31-Jul-2019 16:38:22 by Kings Abbot

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Tophurious said:
evil is good


I even follow these guidelines! I only "broke" number 35 because I look good with it.
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03-Aug-2019 19:29:28

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Tophurious said:
BWIAN


Which can be found in my wordcloud! Next to the dot of "will".

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08-Aug-2019 11:19:52 - Last edited on 08-Aug-2019 11:20:17 by Kings Abbot

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Twillow said:
I think Grief resonated with more peeps than Towels has.


It was Corugi's idea. No input from anyone else.
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11-Aug-2019 10:40:28

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Tophurious said:
Kings Abbot said:
Twillow said:
I think Grief resonated with more peeps than Towels has.


It was Corugi's idea. No input from anyone else.


why


I was close to making a thread myself called 'GRIEF II' some days after 'GRIEF' got full, but Corugi beat me to it. It could have been worse.
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12-Aug-2019 11:06:57

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Do we tell him him the outcome of WWII, or do we let him discover it for himself? The Winner of September 2019's MUPAQ™ Award is
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17-Aug-2019 19:01:41

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Treemaid said:
Have I posted in this thread yet? No? I guess I can't throw in the towel yet then either.

Edit: checks profile...oh wait...I have. Obviously the thought of being attached to Corugi's decomposing head was too much for me - obliterated it from my memory.

Does this mean I'm now eligible to throw in the towel I wonder?
Into what should I throw it?


Throw it into any container-like item (a hole in the ground, a bucket, a microwave or a kettle) that doesn’t already contain something towel-incompatible (lava, acid, fire, a kitten and certainly an acid-spewing lava-kitten on fire). We’ll see later what to do with the towel.
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20-Aug-2019 13:02:17

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FiFi LaFeles said:
'Rugi's had a facelift while he's been gone. Gotta say, he looks almost handsome now.
Well, compared to before anyway.


I concur.
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22-Aug-2019 11:30:45

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Hylonome said:
I love moist towelettes!


You're gonna need to search a different place to find some though...
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24-Aug-2019 10:54:32

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Tophurious said:
I've planted some towels somewhere in the store. good luck finding them.


That is the most evil thing ever! It's even more evil than this: https://i.imgur.com/pAAhHuv.mp4
I tip my hat at you, good sir!
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25-Aug-2019 14:00:51

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Tophurious said:
i will win our race.


I'm okay with that as long as we both finish the race.
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27-Aug-2019 16:43:05

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FiFi LaFeles said:
I demand that the race be made easier for me, because I am old.

In fact, I demand that I should be allowed to win the race.


The race is the following:

- I want to complete the challenge 'up to the gods' by killing a (very rare) frost dragon in a solo dungeon and offering its bones on an altar. You might have seen my thread in general about it.

- Tophurious wants to het a 1/1000 tooth drop from some plant-monster on Anachronia.

The winner of the race is the one who completes their goal first.

If you can think of another challenge that is ultimately decided by the lord RNGesus you can join.
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28-Aug-2019 10:34:49

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Tophurious said:
Corugi said:
Nothing like going for a Sunday drive...



...to Moscow.


does your shop sell any of the vehicles in that picture?


Of course not! Who do you think we are? Santa Claus?
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31-Aug-2019 18:19:19

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Twillow said:
If corugi = nick of the shades, then corugi =/= twillow.


Your way of writing and that of Corugi are very different from each other, so I am quite sure you are not Corugi.
Or do you have a split personality?
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08-Sep-2019 20:37:03

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Tophurious said:
Kings Abbot said:
Twillow said:
If corugi = nick of the shades, then corugi =/= twillow.


Your way of writing and that of Corugi are very different from each other, so I am quite sure you are not Corugi.
Or do you have a split personality?


split personality seems logical


I wouldn’t be surprised Corugi has some split personalities, but they should all be evil. Twillow isn’t evil..
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09-Sep-2019 11:52:36 - Last edited on 09-Sep-2019 11:52:56 by Kings Abbot

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FiFi LaFeles said:
Oh but she is though. You haven't heard the rumour about her blowing a raspberry at a stray dog in Varrock one time? How evil is that, hmmmmm.


Everyone did that back in the day when you had to walk to get someplace and encountered them easily.
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10-Sep-2019 11:33:41

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^ True.

There are gradations of evilness, and Corugi is so far high, there isn't a number yet to measure how high he is. Shooing away the dogs on the other hand is rather low on the scale.
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10-Sep-2019 20:27:48

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Trewavas said:
This thread gave me a giggle.


Indeed.
Unfortunately it does not meet the requirements for the MUPAQ™ Award.

Would you be willing to use your artistic skills to make a low-effort, hastily photoshopped prize we could give to the winner of the MUPAQ™ Award?
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11-Sep-2019 13:38:26 - Last edited on 11-Sep-2019 13:39:31 by Kings Abbot

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Trewavas said:
I retract my previous statement.



It’s both perfect and ‘meh’, as it should be! Thank you kindly!
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23-Sep-2019 11:35:16

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FiFi LaFeles said:
I wish I knew how to draw like Freddie. Then I could illustrate the new quest I'm writing for Jagex *sigh*


That sounds like a cry for help!

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24-Sep-2019 21:09:12

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Trewavas said:
It's harder than I thought.


Yet I am very pleased! I tip my hat at you, sir!



(Found this dutch gem on Imgur, translation is the following: "Huggy Hug"; "Hello mister mushroom!"; "Hello Huggy!". This could be from the artist known as Jeroom or the artist Jonas Geirnaert. It's their kind of humour and drawing style.)
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29-Sep-2019 20:49:00

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What about the carcass of a tauntaun? They're luke warm on the inside!
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06-Oct-2019 10:47:50

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Double post The Winner of September 2019's MUPAQ™ Award is
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06-Oct-2019 22:15:00 - Last edited on 06-Oct-2019 22:15:17 by Kings Abbot

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I don’t even know where that picture originates from. Maybe KnowYourMeme.com can tell who it is? The Winner of September 2019's MUPAQ™ Award is
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07-Oct-2019 11:24:39

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