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Konan the Noob
Quick find code: 49-50-543-64050753
lololololololol
30-Dec-2014 21:38:30
Chapter 3: Dueler? I hardly know her!
Teddy570: And so after many many months, our hero, hungry for a proper challenge, approached the arena with fire in his heart.
Konan: Oh gods, my heart, it's on fire!
Teddy570: Yet, quite disappointed was he to find the arena practically deserted, save for a few spectators.
Konan: Good day sir, how are the fights today?
Spectator: Fights, sir? I think you're confused.
Konan: How so?
Spectator: Well, this is the specator's section, to participate, you must spectate.
Konan: Spectatipate?
Teddy570: Geshundeit.
Konan: Now see here-
Spectator: Can do.
Konan: Look upon my armor, my sword, my shield...do I strike you as a spectator?
Spectator: I'd rather you not strike me at all, sir.
Teddy570: Could have fooled me.
Konan: See here!
Spectator: Can do.
Konan: I came to the arena to test my might against the bravest gladiators in the land, not to sit on the sidelines like some kind of bump on a log.
Teddy570: The writers here at the Konan the Noob show would like to apologize to any bumps currently reading this.
Konan: We have readers?
Goblin: We have writers?
Teddy570: Oh no, now see here-
Spectator: Can do.
Teddy570: I will not have another one of these chapters devolve into senseless nonsense.
Goblin: Isn't that a contradiction?
Teddy570: You're a contradiction!
Goblin: How...DARE you!
(At this point the narration was replaced by the sounds of a rather raucous fistfight. Konan took the opportunity to resume the plot. Go figure)
Konan: So if I cannot have an opponent, then you sir will have to suffice.
Spectator: I'll have to what?
Konan: Suffice, you know, like make due.
Spectator: I don't have to do that right now.
Teddy570: PG rating, Gentlemen!
Goblin: That's more like kindergarten humor, honestly.
Teddy570: Now see here!
Spectator: Can do.
Konan: I thought you didn't have to.
Spectator: Well not right now.
(tbc)
Teddy570: And so after many many months, our hero, hungry for a proper challenge, approached the arena with fire in his heart.
Konan: Oh gods, my heart, it's on fire!
Teddy570: Yet, quite disappointed was he to find the arena practically deserted, save for a few spectators.
Konan: Good day sir, how are the fights today?
Spectator: Fights, sir? I think you're confused.
Konan: How so?
Spectator: Well, this is the specator's section, to participate, you must spectate.
Konan: Spectatipate?
Teddy570: Geshundeit.
Konan: Now see here-
Spectator: Can do.
Konan: Look upon my armor, my sword, my shield...do I strike you as a spectator?
Spectator: I'd rather you not strike me at all, sir.
Teddy570: Could have fooled me.
Konan: See here!
Spectator: Can do.
Konan: I came to the arena to test my might against the bravest gladiators in the land, not to sit on the sidelines like some kind of bump on a log.
Teddy570: The writers here at the Konan the Noob show would like to apologize to any bumps currently reading this.
Konan: We have readers?
Goblin: We have writers?
Teddy570: Oh no, now see here-
Spectator: Can do.
Teddy570: I will not have another one of these chapters devolve into senseless nonsense.
Goblin: Isn't that a contradiction?
Teddy570: You're a contradiction!
Goblin: How...DARE you!
(At this point the narration was replaced by the sounds of a rather raucous fistfight. Konan took the opportunity to resume the plot. Go figure)
Konan: So if I cannot have an opponent, then you sir will have to suffice.
Spectator: I'll have to what?
Konan: Suffice, you know, like make due.
Spectator: I don't have to do that right now.
Teddy570: PG rating, Gentlemen!
Goblin: That's more like kindergarten humor, honestly.
Teddy570: Now see here!
Spectator: Can do.
Konan: I thought you didn't have to.
Spectator: Well not right now.
(tbc)
20-Nov-2015 04:09:13
Teddy570: That's quite enough out of all of you! All I wanted was for Konan to step into the arena and to face a challenger, is that too much to ask?
Spectator: Clearly.
Teddy570: Quiet you!
Goblin: You can't talk to him like that!
Teddy570: Oh yeah, what are you going to do about it?
(Another raucous fistfight, intertwined for some reason with cows mooing)
Spectator: Are they always like this?
Konan: Well, not on weekends. Then they're Waaaaaay worse.
Goblin: With an expired haddock!
Teddy570: I'd like to see you try!
Spectator: This is clearly going nowhere...let me see that script....
(Sound of pages shuffling)
Spectator: Oh no! It is lord crushicus, the gladiator!
Lord Crushicus: Yes Konan, I have stolen your bride to be, and you must face me in the arena!
Konan: I think you skipped too far ahead.
Spectator: That's the first mention of an arena in this thing. Wait, how many kalphites? Hooo boy, you are gonna hate chapter 12.
Teddy570: Give me that! What is Crushicus doing here? We haven't even met Edwina yet.
Edwina: Yeah!
Teddy570: Okay, let's start this from the top, we're going to chapter 4. Suddenly, Konan's bout was interrupted by the sound of a voice crying out in despair.
A voice: In despair!
Teddy570: Not like that!
A voice: be more specific!
Teddy570: You know, distressed!
A voice: How dare you sir, I am not that kind of actressed.
Teddy570: Not dis-dressed, distressed!
Konan: I don't think you're using that properly...
Teddy570: Quiet you.
Konan: Hey, see here
Spectator: Can do.
Konan: I'm the star, and I will not be treated this way.
Teddy570: Suddenly Konan was struck repeatedly by lightning.
Lightning: Take that! and that! And one of these!
Teddy570: He then remembered who the narrator was as he went to help the feeble sounding cry for help.
Spectator: Clearly.
Teddy570: Quiet you!
Goblin: You can't talk to him like that!
Teddy570: Oh yeah, what are you going to do about it?
(Another raucous fistfight, intertwined for some reason with cows mooing)
Spectator: Are they always like this?
Konan: Well, not on weekends. Then they're Waaaaaay worse.
Goblin: With an expired haddock!
Teddy570: I'd like to see you try!
Spectator: This is clearly going nowhere...let me see that script....
(Sound of pages shuffling)
Spectator: Oh no! It is lord crushicus, the gladiator!
Lord Crushicus: Yes Konan, I have stolen your bride to be, and you must face me in the arena!
Konan: I think you skipped too far ahead.
Spectator: That's the first mention of an arena in this thing. Wait, how many kalphites? Hooo boy, you are gonna hate chapter 12.
Teddy570: Give me that! What is Crushicus doing here? We haven't even met Edwina yet.
Edwina: Yeah!
Teddy570: Okay, let's start this from the top, we're going to chapter 4. Suddenly, Konan's bout was interrupted by the sound of a voice crying out in despair.
A voice: In despair!
Teddy570: Not like that!
A voice: be more specific!
Teddy570: You know, distressed!
A voice: How dare you sir, I am not that kind of actressed.
Teddy570: Not dis-dressed, distressed!
Konan: I don't think you're using that properly...
Teddy570: Quiet you.
Konan: Hey, see here
Spectator: Can do.
Konan: I'm the star, and I will not be treated this way.
Teddy570: Suddenly Konan was struck repeatedly by lightning.
Lightning: Take that! and that! And one of these!
Teddy570: He then remembered who the narrator was as he went to help the feeble sounding cry for help.
20-Nov-2015 04:16:37
Chapter 4- Much Ado About Something
Teddy570: And so, our Daring, Dashing hero-
Voice: He better be dashing, I'm being robbed over here!
Teddy570: Arrived upon a rather startling scene.
Scene: Ooga booga booga!
Teddy570: But, realizing that there were more pressing matters at hand, he quickly pushed past, endeavoring to assist the voice.
Voice: Thank goodness, robbing this broad is gonna take some effort.
Voice: Hey! He's here to help me, you uncouth swine!
Voice: Hey, I'm plenty couth. See here? I got this cape.
Voice: That's not what couth means!
Voice: Well what does it mean then?
Voice: You know, now that you ask, it occurs to me I've never looked it up.
Voice: Well now I gotta know.
Konan: Hurry, trusty steed! We must help that feminine sounding voice!
Goblin: Oof... You know, some would object to being treated in this manner.
Konan: A hero cannot be without his steed, it would be like chicken without marbles! And besides, you're the only other character at this point.
Teddy570: What about me?
Goblin: You're really more of a narrator, honestly.
Teddy570: Well that's not fair, I'd say I've had a pretty tangible presence thus far.
Konan: Presents? I want presents!
Teddy570: What do I look like, Santa Clause?
Konan: And a new shield, and a new sword, and a dolly, and a leg of lamb, and-
Goblin: What was that middle one?
Konan: A new sword?
Teddy570: Why must we always be sidetracked?
Goblin: Oh I don't know, maybe it's because of the burly oaf treating the Shakespearean actor like a pack mule!
Teddy570: Who in Guthix' name is Shakespeare?
Goblin: It's an acting technique. See this spear? I shake it.
Teddy570: Does that help?
Konan: And a subscription to quest rewards quarterly, and a new bow and arrow... YOW! Someone poked me with a spear!
Goblin: Better than you'd think, honestly.
Teddy570: And so, our Daring, Dashing hero-
Voice: He better be dashing, I'm being robbed over here!
Teddy570: Arrived upon a rather startling scene.
Scene: Ooga booga booga!
Teddy570: But, realizing that there were more pressing matters at hand, he quickly pushed past, endeavoring to assist the voice.
Voice: Thank goodness, robbing this broad is gonna take some effort.
Voice: Hey! He's here to help me, you uncouth swine!
Voice: Hey, I'm plenty couth. See here? I got this cape.
Voice: That's not what couth means!
Voice: Well what does it mean then?
Voice: You know, now that you ask, it occurs to me I've never looked it up.
Voice: Well now I gotta know.
Konan: Hurry, trusty steed! We must help that feminine sounding voice!
Goblin: Oof... You know, some would object to being treated in this manner.
Konan: A hero cannot be without his steed, it would be like chicken without marbles! And besides, you're the only other character at this point.
Teddy570: What about me?
Goblin: You're really more of a narrator, honestly.
Teddy570: Well that's not fair, I'd say I've had a pretty tangible presence thus far.
Konan: Presents? I want presents!
Teddy570: What do I look like, Santa Clause?
Konan: And a new shield, and a new sword, and a dolly, and a leg of lamb, and-
Goblin: What was that middle one?
Konan: A new sword?
Teddy570: Why must we always be sidetracked?
Goblin: Oh I don't know, maybe it's because of the burly oaf treating the Shakespearean actor like a pack mule!
Teddy570: Who in Guthix' name is Shakespeare?
Goblin: It's an acting technique. See this spear? I shake it.
Teddy570: Does that help?
Konan: And a subscription to quest rewards quarterly, and a new bow and arrow... YOW! Someone poked me with a spear!
Goblin: Better than you'd think, honestly.
27-Nov-2015 03:43:47
Damsel: Ah, here it is. "Couth: Cultured, Refined, and Well-Mannered."
Highwayman: Ooooh, that's what that means. Here I thought it meant owning a cape.
Damsel: Why would it ever mean that?
Hman: Well, you know...
Damsel: At any rate, where were we?
Hman: Let me think, hands up, give me the money, why don't you go get a dictionary... Oh yeah! Hands up!
Damsel: Eeek! Somebody save me!
Konan: Have no fear, m'lady! I have arrived on the scene!
Scene: Ooga Booga Booga!
Konan: This makes a far better mount, I'd say.
Goblin: Blow it out your nose!
Konan: Now, foul villain, unhand the innocent girl!
Hman: But I'm not touching her.
Konan: Oh...Could you grab her for me?
Hman: Oh, sure, no problem.
Damsel: Hey! Watch the nails!
Konan: Thanks, mate. Unhand the innocent girl!
Hman: That seems cruel, don' it?
Konan: What do you mean?
Hman: I was just going to take her purse, I don't need the hand.
Konan: No, I mean, let go.
Hman: But you told me to grab her.
Konan: Well unhand her!
Hman: But she ain't done nothing to deserve that!
Konan: Sure she has!
Damsel: I have?
Konan: You have.
Hman: Look, pal, I'm just here for the gold. You want to unhand her, you do it.
Teddy570: I think the proper usage would be "De-hand"
Hman: Who said that?
Konan: I thought I lost you!
Teddy570: You can never lose me!
Hman: I think you're losing your mind is what's happening here.
Teddy570: And so, Konan struck a mighty blow, felling the thief in one fell swoop!
Hman: Help! I fell in a swoop!
Damsel: Oh, my hero! How can I ever repay you?
Konan: Oh, it's no problem m'lady. All in a days work for us hero types.
Damsel: Well, at least let me make you a meal-I've been told my cooking is unlicious.
Konan: Well, what's the worst thing that could happen?
Next time: Chapter 5- The Worst thing that Could Happen.
Highwayman: Ooooh, that's what that means. Here I thought it meant owning a cape.
Damsel: Why would it ever mean that?
Hman: Well, you know...
Damsel: At any rate, where were we?
Hman: Let me think, hands up, give me the money, why don't you go get a dictionary... Oh yeah! Hands up!
Damsel: Eeek! Somebody save me!
Konan: Have no fear, m'lady! I have arrived on the scene!
Scene: Ooga Booga Booga!
Konan: This makes a far better mount, I'd say.
Goblin: Blow it out your nose!
Konan: Now, foul villain, unhand the innocent girl!
Hman: But I'm not touching her.
Konan: Oh...Could you grab her for me?
Hman: Oh, sure, no problem.
Damsel: Hey! Watch the nails!
Konan: Thanks, mate. Unhand the innocent girl!
Hman: That seems cruel, don' it?
Konan: What do you mean?
Hman: I was just going to take her purse, I don't need the hand.
Konan: No, I mean, let go.
Hman: But you told me to grab her.
Konan: Well unhand her!
Hman: But she ain't done nothing to deserve that!
Konan: Sure she has!
Damsel: I have?
Konan: You have.
Hman: Look, pal, I'm just here for the gold. You want to unhand her, you do it.
Teddy570: I think the proper usage would be "De-hand"
Hman: Who said that?
Konan: I thought I lost you!
Teddy570: You can never lose me!
Hman: I think you're losing your mind is what's happening here.
Teddy570: And so, Konan struck a mighty blow, felling the thief in one fell swoop!
Hman: Help! I fell in a swoop!
Damsel: Oh, my hero! How can I ever repay you?
Konan: Oh, it's no problem m'lady. All in a days work for us hero types.
Damsel: Well, at least let me make you a meal-I've been told my cooking is unlicious.
Konan: Well, what's the worst thing that could happen?
Next time: Chapter 5- The Worst thing that Could Happen.
27-Nov-2015 03:53:21
I don't care how many years it's been. I still need to see how this all pans out.
07-Feb-2016 02:56:42
Bump
10-Oct-2018 18:17:12
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